FORMERLY FAT MOM

Let's Get a Little Wet. I Like the Way You're Working Me Out.

2012-02-06T16:59:00.000-05:00

(song: Wet/artist: Nicole Scherzinger)

Let me be the first to admit that every time I saw the old ladies in the aqua-aerobics class at my local gym, I chuckled, nay, laughed; Especially when I saw them using the water dumbbells.

Guess what, I WAS WRONG. I've been going to Leandro's "Brazilian Body Surf" classes, and let me tell you, that shit is hard!! It's a great workout on it's own. When you add The Butt Master's special touch, it's one booty-busting, intense class.

The thing about exercising in water is that it's much more gentle on the joints (hence; the geriatric contingency), but you are really forced to engage your core to stabilize your body, because the water provides so much resistance for your muscles to work against. It's as hard or as easy as you choose to make it. It provides great cardio vascular exercise, as well as strength training for toning flabby arms, legs and butts.

The first thing we do is put on our webbed gloves, for maximum resistance and to create smoother movement in water for the upper body workout. And hey, who doesn't look cool in webbed gloves?

Generally we start with a cardio warm up by running laps around the pool. From his pool-side perch, Leandro tells us to lean forward slightly while briskly alternating our arms and running as fast as we can, using high knees. This is great for getting the heart rate up and working the legs and tush. I'm not so fond of the flowy slo-mo action I get from my lily-white and still flabby thighs, but thankfully, the water is moving so much that no one can see this. They also can't see that my bathing suit bottoms usually fall down, several times, because my booty flab is a little too buoyant, and my swim suit is a little too big when wet...

(If this were my butt, I wouldn't mind the exposure.)

So we run around the pool a couple of laps, then Leandro has us quickly change direction, which is really freaking hard because you have to push with all your might to run against the flow of the pool. So I'm usually huffing and puffing within the first three minutes of class. Then we do this sort-of leap thing, where we, well, leap while doing a breast stroke. You're supposed to keep your shoulders under the water so you simultaneously target the glutes with your long-legged leap and the chest with the breast stroke. I love this move, because I feel so graceful in the water. I'd look like a giant leaping dork on land.

We also use a foam "noodle" for a few different exercises. We straddle it and pedal our legs like we're riding a bicycle, while doing a breaststroke with our webbed hands. He stresses the importance of leaning back slightly, keeping the back straight, and shoulders under the water and never touching the bottom of the pool. This is a very hard move when done correctly, as it requires a lot of balance and core strength. You are working EVERYTHING. After a full lap around the pool, we peddle backwards. Even harder.

We do not however, ride the noodle this suggestively...

My favorite noodle work is the leg series. It's pure Butt Master genius! We stand against the wall, a la ballet barre exercises, put the noodle under our feet and do inner-thigh and glute work. It's just as effective (and painful) as the leg machine at the gym. Ideally you never let your foot come above the water, so you have to use all of your muscles to resist. The thicker the noodle, the harder it is to keep it under the water. Since my thunder thighs are still very much a problem area, this is by far my favorite part of class.

I'll tell you right now, those water dumbbells are super hard. If you're able to keep them under the water the entire time, you get just as effective a workout as you would during a sculpting class. The weights come in different thicknesses to make it more difficult to keep them under water. I quickly graduated from the lighter green weights to the thicker, yellow weights and my arms are looking so much more toned. It took a couple of weeks to get used to gripping them, but now my hands don't get sore anymore, and the resistance from keeping them submerged, means that I'm working my core - especially my obliques - every second of the weight series. As he does with every exercise, Leandro has us using our legs while we're doing the upper-body work, so we never neglect our rumps.


Oblique crunches with water dumbbells

I'm getting so much stronger as a result of the pool class. It's increased my cardio endurance and my upper-body strength. I love starting my week with this class because being in the water feels like a gentle start to the workout week - even though I actually sweat a lot. Occasionally (often) I'm a little tired and/or puffy from a weekend splurge day (or two), so starting the week with less impact puts me on a good path for the remaining five days of workouts. Even though it seems like a gentle workout, I'm always sore after class. I push myself as hard as I can to get the maximum burn.

And I do it all in my gym-required swim cap and water sneakers....

Because nothing says "hard core gym rat" like a floral swim cap and a bikini.

Even When I Was Flat Broke, You Made Me Feel Like a Million Bucks

2012-01-09T22:11:00.001-05:00

(song: The Story/artist: Brandi Carlisle)

I met my husband 12 years ago - at a bar - in New York City. We started dating immediately (wink wink), then spent the next eight years relatively carefree, enjoying life as we navigated the murky waters of dating, co-habitation, engagement, marriage, mortgages and ultimately, parenthood in 2007.

My husband has loved me chubby, fat, less-fat, slimmer, chubby again, really fat, really fat and pregnant, back to just really fat, not-that-fat-but-could-be-better and now, super fit and finally happy with myself. I really don't give him enough credit for his unwavering ability to remain calm during my melodramatic mood swings. How a level-headed financial writer ends up getting married to a batshitcrazy drama queen like me, I'll never fully understand, but thank God he did. (I know my parents are enormously relieved...)

To celebrate his 40th birthday, we spent Saturday night - ALONE!- in a hotel in New York and partied like old times. Nope, this is not a post about regretting the ridiculous amount of food and booze I consumed this past weekend, (okay, I DO regret the hangover, but I expected it), rather it's a post about how thankful I am to have a chunk of history with someone, that in many ways, I've grown up with; and that we got a precious 24-hours alone together to play like our twenty-six and thity-year-old selves. (Though this was a much more adult affair than the all-you-can-eat Buffalo wing party he had for his 30th birthday.) We ate, we drank, we talked and talked and talked, we laughed...a lot. Life is so hectic that we often take each other for granted. Every couple does. Now that we actually have to be responsible, it sure was nice to take a little break from reality. The best part is, this was exactly what he wanted to do for his birthday, and I feel so lucky to be married to a partner that still, after twelve years, loves to do stuff with just me.

Happy Birthday baby. Your next 40 years are going to be even better.

(P.S. You promised you'd start doing abs with me. I'm holding you to it. I'm not wasting my new hot body on a decrepit old man with a beer gut...)


Thirty and twenty-six in January 2002- Boozy, happy people.

Thirty-six and forty in January 2012 - same story, better clothes.

Reflections Of The Way Life Used To Be

2011-12-31T17:44:00.000-05:00

(song: Reflections/artist: The Supremes)

Hello blogoshpere! What a year it's been for this Formerly Fat Mom!

In case you've just discovered my blog, I'll sum it up for you: In February 2011 I was selected to be part of a test-group for an at-home fitness DVD program called Brazil Butt Lift® . During the test-group I lost almost 30 pounds and transformed my body. I also appeared in an infomercial for Brazil Butt Lift®, which began airing in November 2011. Check your local listings...

I started 2011 like this:

January 2011 - New guitar. Old spare tire.

I ended 2011 like this:

December 2011 - C'mon, ANY excuse to post a picture of myself as slutty Mrs. Claus!

In the six months since I completed the test-group for Brazil Butt Lift® (it still makes me laugh too) I've learned (still learning) so much about myself. Most importantly, that being human is okay! I really learned that on Christmas Day, when I binged on so many sweets that I spent an hour barfing my brains out. I think (hope) that was my sugar addiction rock-bottom, but if I relapse again, I'm not going to beat myself up. I'm just going to, well, clean the bathroom, then get right back into my routine of good eating and exercise. My body may reject the overload of crap food, but my mind still has some catching up to do...

My experience this year taught me that I am so much stronger - mentally and physically - than I ever gave myself credit for. At one time in my life, I weighed 193 pounds and wore a size 16. I never imagined I'd someday be wearing a size 6 and weigh 138 pounds. Now, I never imagine my life without exercise and proper nutrition. Sure, I was given a gift this year when I got selected for the test-group, but you don't need a test-group to change your body or your life. Long before the test-group, I started on my own, in my house, just me and a set of DVDs and the determination to end the self-inflicted cycle of yo-yo dieting and self-loathing. I had no trainer, no nutritionist. Just good old-fashioned will-power and determination.

It is possible for ANYONE to do this. You can change your body, your life, your mind. It's hard. SO DAMN HARD. But it's completely possible and I promise you, that when you make the decision to end the cycle of bad choices in your life, it will awaken your spirit, and everything else will fall into place. Everything is connected; obesity, debt, depression, addictions. I'm not saying you're fat because you're in debt. I'm saying these things are cyclical. For much of my young-adult life, I never believed I was worthy of love or success. I made self-destructive choices with money, relationships, food, alcohol and drugs. At 23-years-old, I was thousands of dollars in debt and unemployed. I finally contacted a debt-counseling service, which helped me slowly crawl my way out of debt. I began seeing a therapist, got new a job, made new friends, then met my future husband. When I chose to focus on my debt issue, other issues began to resolve themselves, and my life got a lot better. Though, I still struggled with depression and low self-esteem, which mostly manifested itself in the form of binge-eating and drinking.

1999 - Train wreck party girl

In the winter of 2009 I was the fattest I'd ever been, depressed and (felt) completely alone. I hated myself. I hated my body. I couldn't imagine that my husband or anyone else found me attractive, because I believed I was disgusting. Something had to change. This time, I chose to focus on my body issue. Three years later, I have begun to love myself. How I feel about myself now is reflected in the food choices I make, the friends that I have, the activities I choose. I'm overwhelmingly happy most days. I'm a better mother, wife and daughter. I'm a much better ME. And none of this would have happened if I hadn't made a choice to begin exercising.

Change won't and shouldn't, happen over-night. You can't have long-term success if you're setting short-term goals. BE PATIENT! If you live to be 90, the three years it might take to lose weight will seem like nothing. If you really want to get healthy, you have to be ready to put in the time and focus on the long-run -- not fitting into a bikini in four months. You probably will reach your bikini goal, but I guarantee you'll be right back in your big-girl swim dress next year if you don't also incorporate self-reflection and long-term behavior changes.

Do you really want to wear this?

Losing weight and getting fit were a small part of this awesome year. Because I started to believe in myself, I radiated positivity and met some incredible people. I developed a network of supportive friends and acquaintances that share my enthusiasm and believe in me, as I do in them. I'm learning to let go of negative feelings and to stop seeking the approval of people that don't support or like me. I am also inspiring people. My own mom lost THIRTY pounds this year! She's 67-years-old! She's lost weight before, but the difference now is, she EXERCISES. She finally gets that you can't maintain a fit body, simply by eating less. You have to move! I'm so proud of you mom! (It may have helped that I shamed her in this post..)

As I look forward to 2012, I am so excited about the possibilities. I plan to continue with Leandro's program since I still have a lot of cellulite and skin-sag on my thighs. And Leandro is after all, THE BUTT MASTER, so I am going to do his workouts till I die. No one can really tell me if my skin will regain it's elasticity, so I've decided to be a one-woman test-group and find out. It's not like I look like one of those really obese people that lost 200 pounds and has mounds of flesh that need to be surgically removed. What I have is mild, but it bugs me. I hate the way my thigh droops to floor when I'm in a plank position, because I know it's more skin than fat. The same goes for my lower-belly. I've developed some great abs, but I've got a skin-flap. It's like my body is a size 6, but my skin is a size 8. So, I am giving it a full year. I will devote 2012 to continual toning and maintenance of my weight-loss. If I still have a skin suit that's a little bigger than my muscle suit, then I may have to start my plastic surgery blog...

No this isn't me, and mine isn't this bad, but you get the point right?

2012 will also mark the beginning of my journey to a career in fitness. I'm actually sort-of hyperventilating as I write this because I'm still the queen of self-doubt and part of me is convinced I'll fail and I really don't have an answer for what "career in fitness" means to me and I'm so scared of failing...or succeeding...or both but now I just wrote it down and it's on the internet so I have to do it. ACK!!

I am also developing a website! Okay, "developing" is a strong word, but I did buy a domain name and WILL BE developing a website, which will have my blog posts, exercise tips, recipes...what have you. And it will of course have updates throughout the year so you'll know if I've fallen off the wagon, which I won't, well maybe sometimes, but the point is, I'll be honest about it. I'll always be honest about my downs, because that is the only way I'll stay healthy forever. I'm human. I'll falter. I'll forgive myself and move on.

So that's a wrap for 2011! Thanks for reading my blog. Thanks for all the positive comments.

If you're feeling like I was in January of 2009 or in 1999, please know that life can and will get better. Just take one small step today. Tomorrow will be a little easier. I promise, you can do it. You can do it. Just believe. You can do it.

Have a happy and HEALTHY New Year!

The Only Thing I've Ever Seen of You Was a Commercial Spot on the Screen

2011-11-28T20:36:00.001-05:00

(song: Movie Star/artist: Harpo)

Well hello everyone! Hope you all survived the Thanksgiving holiday. I will be writing a post about (my) holiday survival, but that can wait.

I have exciting news...

The BRAZIL BUTT LIFT^® infomercial has hit the airwaves, and I made the final cut!!

Look at me mom, I'm on TV! In a bikini. On a rotating turntable. Talking about my butt. Okay, this is not exactly the big break my parents had in mind, 16 years ago when I left Georgia in search of stardom in the Big Apple. And, yeah, my poor son will probably be humiliated when this video surfaces during his presidential campaign in 2052, but hopefully this will be the biggest scandal he's faced with when that time comes. At least they airbrushed mama's tramp stamp!

Check out my heartfelt testimonial:
(Thanks to Mayhew Breen Productions and Beachbody® for letting me post this)

Okay, which part did you laugh at the most? "I'm the me that I wanted to be." OR "It's like a heart!" It's a toss-up for me. I know I sound like a total cheeseball ('cause I am), but I was so very sincere in that interview! Although you only hear and see me, I was answering a series of questions from Marc, the director. He's great at making "regular" people feel comfortable on-camera and I was honestly answering his questions about my experience, about the workouts, about Leandro, about my old butt, my new butt, my abs...a giggle here...a "I can't believe this is my butt" there...and that's a wrap! I especially liked the footage of me exercising "in the comfort of my own home". I ALWAYS workout in full make-up with a dorky smile on my face. Okay, I do in fact have the dorky smile on my face when I exercise, and I often workout in full make-up (Don't judge me. You think I'm going to the Butt Master's class in my "crunchy Brooklyn mom" face?!), but I never look as good as infomercial Alison when I'm working up a sweat.

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! Since I was the nerd that did Leandro's Tummy Tuck DVD religiously - every day, I got a tiny extra snippet:

So there I am. Infomercial infamous! And although being in the infomercial was never the reason I auditioned for the test group, it is totally the icing on the cake. A very honest, sincere and hysterically funny portrait of my incredible three-month journey.

And here's one tiny segment for the benefit of my former classmates from The American Musical & Dramatic Academy. In this group workout scene, you will find me ALL THE WAY IN THE BACK. (Anyone that was in a dance class with me knows why.) Just look right over Leandro's head - several rows back - and you'll see the tall, brunette, wearing a light blue tank-top, spastically waving her arms in the opposite direction as the rest of the group. It's a nano-second long, but delightful nonetheless.

Now that is classic Alison. The Butt Master makes dreams a reality, but it when it comes to my rhythm, even he can't deliver miracles.

How I Missed Those Loving Arms

2011-11-12T18:33:00.000-05:00

(song: Back In Baby's Arms/artist: Patsy Cline)

OUCH!!! I can barely type this post because I'm already so so sore from... LEANDRO'S CLASS! Oh yes, I reunited with The Master of my Bum Bum for his brutally awesome 90-minute class at Equinox. Because I am not a member of this fancy schamncy gym, I have to walk in with Leandro, so I arrived early - and ridiculously excited. I nearly leaped off the couch when I saw him walk in! I haven't seen him since July, when I took his swim class. We hugged, I kissed his toned cheek (on his face, you perve), he pointed me to the locker room and told me to get ready for a great class. It would be a total lie if I said I haven't been looking forward to this all week. Seriously, I've been working out extra hard just because I knew I was going to see Leandro today. I mean, this guy changed my life, my body, my whole perspective. (Plus I was super nervous that he'd check out my ass and be disappointed that it's the same or slightly worse than the last day of the test group. He made no such assessments. At least, not out loud...)

In the locker room I encounter Gloria, Leandro's assistant, who became a kind-of a mom to me during the extension month of the test-group. Gloria was in a test-group a few years ago, and then started working for Leandro. She's such a kind soul and getting to know her during the extension was very meaningful to me. During one of my last workouts at Leandro's studio, she randomly said (while I doing a perfect split-squat), "You're going to be a great trainer." I had never said anything about becoming a trainer and her statement scared the hell out of me. I couldn't even accept the fact that the test-group was going to be over in a week, much less think about what the future held for me. Gloria knew, long before I was ready to admit it, that I had found my calling. When I saw her in the locker room, I immediately embraced her and told her how happy I was to see her. I also gave her a book called Run Like a Girl. A series of interviews with women from all walks of life that illustrate "how the confidence women build by participating in sports...can transform our lives in profound ways". I hope she likes it!

So I get into the studio and it's packed with gals from every end of the fitness spectrum. I also noticed a few faces from the first test-group, which was about four years ago. They are all still very fit, which makes me think, "I can totally do this!" And guess who else is taking the class...SANDRA ALVIM! Yep, the taught 60-year-old Brazilian bombshell that I had to workout next to on my second day of the test-group, is there in the front row. Her tiny round booty looks better than ever. I want to be this woman when I'm 60! Okay, I want to be this woman when I'm 40...

Leandro mics up and greets the class. He ask for a show-of-hands of first-timers. There are quite a few. I remember what it was like to be seconds away from my first workout with Leandro. These girls have the same look of panic-stricken excitement that I had. I, of course, have the doofy look of a child that just found her long-lost blankie. I'm so freaking excited to get started! Leandro cranks the Brazilian dance music and we are off and running. Woo hoo! It's 30-minutes of cardio, featuring old favorites like, side-lunge-knee-ups, alternating side-squats, burpees and my all-time favorite (really) the curtsy lunge! During the "shake your booty and beat the drums" move, Leandro comes over to me. I shook my money maker, relieved I decided to double-up my Lululemon tights today. I still really don't love cardio, but I'm so much better at it now, and I am so happy to be in this class that I don't even care that the sweat pouring down my face is really burning the skin on my freshly waxed upper-lip. (I couldn't let The Butt Master see my momstache...)

The next 30-minute-segment was upper-body toning. We grab mats and dumbells and return to our spots for shoulders, bi-ceps, tri-ceps, chest...rinse and repeat. I really feel the burn! I don't use heavy weights now that I'm deep into my Tracy Anderson "ballet arm" obsession, so even though I'm only using 8 and 10-pound weights, it really friggin' hurts. But I kept right on going. Though I did have to borrow Gloria's 5-pounders during the lateral raise series. (Thanks G!) My arms had their own pulse when we finished.

The final 30-minutes was all about abs. Holy crapoly! There was so much moaning...from me. All familiar moves. All just as hard as I remember. I have to give a hand to the first-timers for making it through the class. Nothing about it was easy. My whole body felt (and still feels) like Jello. It was so GREAT! Oh I miss doing this every day!

After class, I thanked Leandro for inviting me to class. We hugged and kissed and he says, "Any time. I want to see you a lot." It's a date Butt Master! It's a date...

Obrigado por tudo Leandro!

Reunited, and it feels so good! (Me, Leandro & Gloria.)

Open Up Your Mouth and Feed It.

2011-10-26T15:04:00.002-04:00

(song: Eat It/artist: Weird Al Yankovic)

I'm a pig. A disgusting, gluttonous hog. Allow me to 'splain...

Saturday started great. I ran a 10K, then spent a lovely day with my son, husband and mother-in-law at Brooklyn Bridge Park. After the park, we stopped by my brother-in-law's for the tail-end of their post-race brunch. I shoved half a bagel with cream cheese, three pieces of buttery crumb cake, one alcoholic cider and two beers down my greedy gullet. My brother-in-law gave a bag of muffins, bagels and croissants to my mom-in-law, which I told her she shouldn't take, but she did anyway because she hates waste and it's a generational thing and I understand that but it's crappy food that's bad for you but she knows that and she's an adult so I let it go. Remember this piece of info; You'll need it later.

Saturday night, I got all dolled up for a night of kidless fun with my hubby. Check out my new dress and shoes:

Roomy dress = opportunity for gluttony

We had a couple of cocktails at a local bar, then went to a 40th birthday party for one of our fellow parents. (Whose wife just happens to be the author of Persian Bites. Check it out!) I feasted on wonderful Persian fare and drank like I had no responsibility. The night - or rather morning - ended at about 1:30AM.

Sunday was brutal. Kiddie soccer at 9AM meant no rest for this bloated mom. After soccer, I had eggs Benedict for brunch. Instead of lean Canadian bacon, it was served with uber-fatty mortadella. Delicious but artery-clogging. For dinner, hubby and I ordered up a mess of ribs, wings and macaroni & cheese from our favorite BBQ place, The Smoke Joint. I went to bed exhausted and stuffed.

Monday, there was no way in hell was going to exercise. I pretty much decided that when I went to bed Sunday night. I schlepped my kid to school, then came right home where I spent most of the day on my couch watching crap TV...and eating junk. I started with my son's leftover French toast. But that wasn't enough, so I made two more slices for myself. Then I had an ice cream sandwich. Then I hit the cheddar goldfish and the dried fruit. I took a break to pick up my son and managed to behave myself until dinner, when I ate ravioli covered in oil, salt and Parmesan cheese. Then my son went to bed, and since my husband wasn't coming home until late, I was all alone with my munchies and my faltering will-power. The stage was set for a an all-out pig fest. Because when no one's watching, I'm not accountable right? I wish...

I started with a couple of cheese sticks, a spoonful of almond butter, a handful of grapes, a fruit leather thing, some Pirate's Booty and another ice cream sandwich. Since I don't stock crappy snacks, I wasn't getting the fix I "needed". But then I remembered my secret stash. My mother-in-law brought a pre-Halloween bag of candy to my son. What 4-year-old doesn't need a bag of sugar before he goes trick-or-treating and collects a bag of sugar? C'mon Gram, you know better. Luckily, he was distracted by the toy train she also brought, so I was able to move the candy bag to an undisclosed location without his knowledge. I perused the bag and decided the blueberry Jelly Bellys would be my first treat. They went down nice and easy. I LOVE jelly beans! Then I finished the mini M&Ms. I opened another bag of pea and carrot shaped Jelly Bellys and ate a handful. I still wasn't satisfied, so I went into my freezer and cracked open the bag of leftover baked goods that my brother-in-law gave to my mom-in-law. I heated a blueberry muffin, cut it in half and sat down for a muffin treat. I felt so gross. Eating that half muffin on top of all the sugary candy I had just eaten, made me feel sick. And generally disgusted with myself. What the hell was I thinking?!

I went to the kitchen and dumped the baked goods into the garbage can. I made sure to take them out of the plastic bag so that I wouldn't be tempted to pull a George Costanza and eat them out of the garbage can. Bye bye bagel, so long muffins, sorry croissant, it just wasn't meant to be. You're all delicious, but there's no room for you in my life or on my ass. Then it was time to say goodbye to the candy. I opened and emptied it all into the trash can. My son won't miss it. I don't need the temptation. Halloween is just 5 days away and I'm really going to have to test my self-control then. I just hope no one's handing out Milky Ways...

This isn't the first time I've faltered. It probably won't be the last, given that I'm human. The important thing is that on Tuesday, I returned to my regularly scheduled programming of clean eating and exercising. I gave in to temptation and weakness, but I won't use that as excuse to screw up my whole week. You mess up, you move on and keep looking ahead, not back. If you have crap food in your house that you're saving "for the kids" or some other bullshit excuse, do yourself (and your kids) a favor and get rid of it. If you shouldn't eat it, neither should your kids.

Yeah...You're a Loser Now

2011-10-24T14:21:00.002-04:00

(song: I've Tried Everything/artist: Eurythmics)

DAMN! DAMN! DAMN! I wanted to kick my husband's ass, but that magnificent bastard was just too good!

I'm number 1 in my heart...

I started strong. The race looped Prospect Park twice. The entire first loop, I was right behind my husband. I felt surprisingly great. Then came the second loop, and the second climb up the brutally gradual hill at the top of the park. That's when the red cap that had been in my sights for 3.34 miles, started to get farther and farther away. I kept thinking, "He's probably only 30 seconds ahead at this point. Just keep your pace. He'll tire and you'll catch up..." WRONG! Eventually, the red cap was out of view. In the end, he beat me by 1 minute, 8 seconds. My official time for my first 10K was 57:11.

Post-race photo-op dork.

Here's the thing, I did a practice 10K just 5 days before the race. My time was 1 hour and 7 minutes. In five days, I shaved almost 10 minutes off my time! I finished 87th in my division (35 to 39-year-old females) and 1,777th overall. Not bad when you consider there were over 7,000 people running. I feel really proud of what I accomplished. I also really loved competing with my husband! And yeah, I know it's harder to beat men because they're faster by virtue of hormones, genes, muscular structure, blah blah blah. Scientific probability is not going to stop me from trying again. That's right, I'm already registered for my next race. Better keep those quads and hammies loose baby. I'm coming for you!

So I didn't beat my bigger, stronger, husband. I pushed through and achieved another, seemingly improbable goal, which was to finish in under 60 minutes. YAY ME! And I have to say, a 68-second "loss", is not all that shameful. I also finished before my husband's sister and brother, which was pretty satisfying. Especially since I'm almost a decade older than my brother-in-law. Thanks T, for tacking on mass and maintaining your Mac-like dedication to gluttony, so that I can feel good about my little victories.

This Time Tomorrow. Where Will I be?

2011-10-21T22:07:00.000-04:00

(song: This Time Tomorrow/artist: Ray Davies)

Oh my god, I am so damn excited about my first 10K! Not just because, after 12 years of physical inferiority, I can finally compete with my husband, but because I also get to compete with ME. In December I ran a 4-mile race - my first race - in nearly 50 minutes. I was really proud of that time. It was pre-Butt Master and post-Turbo Jam. My only goal for that race was to finish without walking; Which I did. This time tomorrow, I will feel that pride again. Only my goal is not just to complete the race without walking; It's to complete it with or before my husband. I believe I can do it. I believe I can do anything. And it's that faith in myself that carries me through every workout, every day. Forever.

If you can't wait till the next blog post, stop by my Facebook page. I'll post my results immediately following my triumphant crossing of the finish line. (Within reason. I may stop for water and few high-fives first...)

It's time for this super dork to go to bed. Wish me luck!

RUN ALISON, RUN!

Fooled Around and Fell In Love

2011-10-20T11:48:00.000-04:00

(song: Fooled Around and Fell In Love/artist: Elvin Bishop)

Shhh...Don't tell the Butt Master, but I've met someone else. Her name is Tracy Anderson, and I'm really into her Mat Workout DVD. I don't know much about Tracy, except that Gwyneth Paltrow and Madonna are two of her clients, which means nothing to me since they are not formerly fat people, but still, I gave this workout a try and I LOVE it!

Apparently, she was once an aspiring ballet dancer but she's crazy short so she tended to look more "bulky" than lithe, like a ballet dancer should be. Her workout is designed to tone and create chiseled lines without making you look like a budding body-builder. There's no weights. Tracy has a bunch of different DVDs on the market. I've only done the Mat Workout.

Here's what I love about it:

-It's kind graceful, almost ballet-like. The movements are constant and fluid throughout the the workout. I dare say, I feel kind of sexy when I'm doing this DVD. Because it's flowy, you're fooled into thinking it's going to be easy...it's not.

-The background music is pretty good. I mean, with any DVD that you do a lot, you're going to get tired of hearing the same music, but so far, I still really like it. It's not as cheesy as some other DVDs. (I'm talking to you Butt Master.)

-She has a great arm series that's hard as hell but works every angle and muscle on your arm so it's awesome. I love love love it. (She does use three-pound weights on the arm series, but no weights anywhere else.)

-The ab series on the floor is rad. I still love The Butt Master's Tummy Tuck DVD, but Tracy kills it on abs too.

-It's a full-body workout. She starts with a standing leg series, then standing abs, then killer arms, then you go to the floor for more legs, then abs. It's 57 minutes of awesomeness, you'll be sore as hell after the first time, but you'll be dying to do it again the next day. At least, I was...

Here's what I don't like:

-She barely talks. When you do the DVD the first few times, you have to constantly look up to see what she's doing because she gives very little instruction. The moves aren't complicated, but she switches sides without saying anything, so you might end up moving one leg for an entire series, without realizing she's moved to the other leg.

-The standing ab series is super hard and complicated. She basically slides all around her ribcage for three minutes in a way I don't think I'll ever be able to do, but I keep trying. While she's going all diagonal, I usually keep moving side-to-side. I find this section very hard to follow, but I don't just skip it. I modify...

-The leg series is great, but I still have a lot of fat on my thighs so I personally feel her workout is geared toward flabby, not fat bodies, that need toning and sculpting, not more weight loss. For my saddle bags, there's only one DVD program that works for me. (I'm talking to you again Butt Master.)

-She's kind of cold and blah. I'm used to Chalene Johnson's and Leandro's bubbly demeanors. Tracy is not bubbly. She's quiet and serious and barely smiles. I would have hated this DVD when I was a size 16 and couldn't walk a mile without sweating. She's not much of a motivator. But then again, this is her first DVD and she may be more comfortable on-camera in her more recent DVDs.

Don't worry, I will never divorce Leandro or Chalene, but sometimes, you have to mix it up to keep things fresh and exciting. I've always got room in my heart for one more hard body. Welcome to the family Tracy!

It's Time to Start the Countdown. I'm Gonna Burn it Down, Down, Down.

2011-10-08T10:56:00.000-04:00

(song: Fun House/artist: Pink)

Hey y'all. In exactly two weeks from today, I will run the Rock 'n' Roll 10 K in Prospect Park - my first 10K! (For the metric-impaired, that's 6.2 miles.) Now, I know that there are some folks saying. "Whatever. Six miles is nothing." And then are those that are saying, "SIX miles! I'd probably die." Since I am not a real runner - I only started running this year to supplement my cardio needs during the test group - my running ability falls somewhere between those two statements.

I live near Prospect Park and I try to run the 3.34 mile loop at least three times a week. Most of the time I do it in about 30 minutes. Most of the time I do it without walking. One time I did it in 29 minutes, but my average time is 31 minutes. But the race will be TWICE around the loop, and I NEVER feel able to run the loop twice. There's a killer hill at the bottom of the park. The thought of doing it twice, makes me want to puke. To prove to myself that I could (or couldn't) do the loop twice, I tried it one September morning. I did it - without walking - in 64 minutes. That's fine for a first try. But here's the thing: I am married to the world's most competitive man. And he is also running the race. So 64 minutes simply will not be good enough if I'm going to be able to compete with this guy! Also, two of his equally-competitive siblings are running, so the stakes are even higher. My husband and his siblings are not ambassadors of good sportsmanship. (Trivial Pursuit gets really heated when my husband and his sister are on opposing teams.) You finish last, you'll never hear the end of it...

You may recall that my hubby and I ran the July 4th 5K in Georgia and I shocked him (and myself) by finishing only one second after him. In almost 13 years together, I have never been able to physically compete with this man. But thanks to The Butt Master and my new found inner and physical strength, I am the strongest I've ever been and I want to CRUSH the competition! I don't want to lose by one second, I WANT TO BEAT HIM. Can I do it? We'll find out in 14 days...

I think I can...

I Think I Can Make It Now. The Pain is Gone.

2011-09-27T21:47:00.000-04:00

(song: I Can See Clearly Now/artist: Johnny Nash)

Well hey there. My last post was met with mixed reviews. Some were nice (people that like me) and I was encouraged to "hang in there...give it time...you know you can do it". Others were, well, not as encouraging (people that don't like me) but rather a "shut your whiny face you spoiled housewife" type response. Everyone's entitled to their opinions right? If I were super concerned about the meanies, I would have chosen a less public forum to express myself. So there!

Now, I'm kind of a "everything happens for a reason" type gal, and I just happened to be strolling down the street the other day, when I bumped into a neighborhood friend and fellow fitness enthusiast, Dièry. He is a personal trainer and has a beautiful studio in his amazing Brooklyn brownstone. I actually had a few sessions with him in 2009 after I lost my Turbo Jam weight, and I can tell you from experience that Dièry is an intense trainer, but he's also very intuitive and knows how to call you (me) on your bullshit.

Getting my ample booty kicked by Diery in 2009

So I bump into Dièry, minutes after writing my last post, and I tell you, it didn't feel like an accident. He praised my accomplishments and complimented my blog, which all felt great, but I couldn't lie to him when he asked me how I was doing now that I'm living in the real world. He told me to come over to the brownstone for a chat. (I should mention that the first time we met Dièry was at a block party for local business in the neighborhood. He was shirtless, wearing white linen pants and demonstrating all sorts of crazy yoga poses. The dude is in seriously good shape. My son was twoish-years-old at the time and was fascinated with the giant stability ball Dièry was using. My husband walked over to check out the ball, and before he knew what hit him, Dièry had "abducted" them and ushered them back to his studio, where he stretched my hubby out on a giant log and told him he needed to focus on core work. After my fear that the incredibly buff black man was going to murder all three of subsided, it became one of my all-time favorite moments in time.) So my point is, when Dièry tells you to come to the brownstone for a chat, YOU GO TO THE BROWNSTONE. You might even get a nice stretch on a log.

So I go to the studio for a chat, but of course you can't just chat, you have to do some crazy awesome exercise his backyard fitness oasis first. He had me do a set of squatted rows, which felt great in my glutes and back. I love and really miss having a trainer! Then, I'm sitting in Dièry's kitchen and we're chatting about why I can't seem to get my shit together, and I cry a little - SURPRISE! He gets deep, we tip-toe around terms like Body Dsymorphic and he voices his concerns about where my head is. He's frighteningly spot-on with some observations - probably because he's been doing this for 100 years and seen far worse crazy than mine - and he allows me to just get it all out. It helped tremendously. You know, he didn't have to do any of that, but it meant the world that he did. Thanks so much Dièry...

So for me, having a network of positive influences (including my OWN influence on myself) is extremely important right now. Well, forever really. I mean, why would I want a network of negative influences? I recently went back to my "mommy bootcamp" - Move It Momma - classes in Prospect Park and reunited with Chana Balk, the founder and leader of the class. Lady's got spunk. She's like 5 feet tall, curses like a sailor (never in front of the kids), holds me accountable and never goes easy on me. She calls me "Lady Butt Blaster" and constantly tells the other sweaty moms my transformation story - which totally makes me push harder. Chana is kind of my hero because she used to be a lawyer, then she became a full-time mom, but she always loved fitness and missed having an identity (hello!), so she first started a company called BabyBites, which was a great resource for me when I was an insane sleep-deprived mom to a small baby, then she decided to turn her love of fitness into a business; Hence, Move It Momma and now she's on her way to becoming a certified personal trainer. And I get to say, "Know her? I workout with her!", when she's famous. And I feel pretty certain that meeting her was no accident either...

The future is bright. I just have to follow the light.

We're Half Awake In Our Fake Empire

2011-09-20T22:48:00.001-04:00

(song: Fake Empire/artist: The National)

Okay, I'm finally ready to admit...I'm a goddamn mess. I'm really having trouble assimilating my new self into my real life. When the test group ended, summer began. I left New York one day after the final workout and interview, then I spent most of the summer traveling to various relatives' vacation homes along the east coast. Wherever I went, I brought along my ankle weights and DVDs, and there was always someone happily willing to tend to my son while I maintained my fitness regimen. My last week of summer fiction was supposed to be spent on the east end of Long Island at my mother-in-law's house. I knew my fantasy summer was coming to an end, but I also knew that because my son loves spending time with his Gram, I would have tons of time for long workouts (and swimming and reading and sleeping) before heading back to reality. Well wouldn't you know that bitch Mother Nature sent that other bitch Hurricane Irene right up the coast and we lost power and water at Gram's house. I packed up my boy and headed back to Brooklyn, naively thinking that we'd be back in 24-hours. I was so very wrong. I was in deep denial the first day; I took my son for a fun day at Coney Island, all-the-while thinking, "So I'll miss my workout today. No big deal. We'll be back at Gram's tomorrow...." By Wednesday afternoon, three days of no exercise and three days of entertaining an active almost-4-year-old all day long, it hit me hard. NONE OF THAT WAS REAL!

Even though I was out of the regimented bubble of the test group, I still wasn't technically in the "real" world. In real life, I don't have a handful of people always willing to look after my son for an hour or more while I run or workout. In real life, I only have three "free" hours a day to take care of household accounts - groceries, laundry, cleaning, other exotic chores - while my son is at nursery school. What the hell am I going to do? How am I going to maintain this level of fitness AND be a good mom and wife? How does any one do that? How does a "normal" person, with no trainer, no nanny, no housekeeper, no chef, find the time to stay fit while handling all of the responsibilities of a housewife?! The week of the hurricane debacle was a very unwelcome wake-up call for me. Because my son wasn't in school, and my occasional sitter was out of town, over-night I was spit out of my fantasy bubble, back to full-time momming and I went without a workout for SIX days. The longest stretch since February. Now, I admit that I could have worked out when my husband came from work but I was too busy feeling sorry for myself to do that! Plus, if you've got a toddler, you know that after being on your feet from 6AM till your kid's 7PM bedtime, the last damn thing you want to do is exercise. So give me a little break will ya?

I can't seem to rid myself of the idea that I should be exercising at the same intensity I was during the test group. I'm struggling to find the mental balance I need to be happy in the present moment; Proud of what I accomplished while maintaining tone and good health. Instead and I'm constantly thinking, "You can be better..." I know this isn't good and I'm trying not to be so hard on myself. I really am.

Last week, my son started school and I'm back to my daily workouts. Now I just live with an overwhelming feeling of crushing guilt because I want to stay in shape. How ridiculous is that? The average day, I take my kid to school, come home, workout for an hour, eat something, shower, then pick-up my kid at school. And pretty much, nothing else is being accomplished in that "free time" so I feel like a terrible mom/wife, because when my son gets home, I basically ignore him so I can scrub the toilet, do the laundry, scour the kitchen for something that seems like a family dinner...basically I spend each and every day feeling like I'm 10 steps behind. Honestly, I didn't feel all that together before I got into shape, but since I wasn't concerned about making time time to exercise, I could at do all the household crap while my son was in school, then I was free to entertain and chauffeur him after school. So here comes my next challenge: maintain my drive to stay fit while balancing all of the responsibilities that come with being a housewife and full-time mom. Should be a breeze right?

On the food front, my diet is solidly OKAY - I'm very calorie and nutrient conscience - but I do imbibe a little more than I should. Not just for maintaining my figure, but for a healthy mind and body in the long run. When I drink, I always drink too much. And that's bad for a multitude of reasons. I'm very aware of the potential physical and emotional damage alcohol can do, so I keep it in check. It's hard not to throw back a few Coronas on the beach during the summer. And who doesn't love a cold glass (or three) of white wine at sunset? Now that fall and winter is fast approaching, I'll be faced with a new set of challenges on the booze front: holidays. I feel up to this challenge. I've seen the effects of alcohol addiction on many friends and family members and I have no intention of letting myself fall into that trap. I wish I felt as confident about my eating.

God I miss having my meals made for me every day! The first week out of the test group was brutal. It got easier, but its still a daily struggle. I try to eat 5 small meals a day - like we did during the test group - Now that I'm home and grocery shopping again, I eat simply to get the nutrients I need. I make meals very similar to the low-carb meals we had in the test group, only I have bigger portions (slightly) and I've added carbs. The crazy no-carb, 1100 calorie diet they had us on was insane. I learned to eat healthy foods and shop smarter. I just need to pull back on the booze, ease up on the snacks and stay out of the kitchen after 8PM. I think I can, I think I can, I know I can....

Okay, I'm sorry for being all whiny this time. Please know that I am completely aware that there are far more pressing issues in this world than whether or not I'll be able to workout five-days-a-week forever. I'm not devoid of perspective. It's just that I did something that I never dreamed I'd accomplish and the let-down after it ended...well, it's kind of like post-partum depression. Except, unlike childbirth, I really liked the fitness metamorphosis. I guess I'm searching for a deeper meaning than "Hey look, I got super fit for a few months in 2011..." I know that my feelings of being overwhelmed by the daily grind of adulthood are not unique to me. I feel enormously blessed to have a life that affords me the freedom to be burdened with such issues. Still, I'm looking for a way to maintain the mental momentum I developed during those life-changing three months. Giving up fitness is simply not an option. In fact, I believe that continuing on this path, is exactly what I'm supposed to do. I think...

We're S-H-O-P-P-I-N-G. We're Shopping.

2011-09-09T15:43:00.000-04:00

(song: Shopping/artist: Pet Shop Boys)

One of the down sides (and there are very few) of losing weight is the expense. After I lost my "Turbo Jam 39", I took a lot of my clothes to our awesome tailor Tony. My theory being that its cheaper to get things fitted rather than replace my entire wardrobe. You can imagine how jazzed he was about my weight loss, since it meant that I spent a several hundred dollars every new season. In December 2010, I took some winter clothes in for fitting. Tony told me how great I looked and that I didn't need to lose anymore because "a woman needs her curves". Did I mention that Tony is a man? A black man. The thought of me without hips broke his heart. Fast-forward to May 2011 and a return to Tony's lair with a pile of summer clothes that he had previously altered from a size 16 to a 10. I also had some never-worn stuff that I bought at end-of-season sales last summer - at last year's size 10. Tony is floored by my progress. At once impressed and sad that I have no boobs. But he's pumped that I've chosen him over a new low-budget wardrobe. This time, I cull through every single garment I own and really give thought to the things I'm keeping. Many items don't make the cut this time. Some of them never got worn after the last round of fittings so I decide to put them in the "donate pile". This time, I'm only keeping what I'll absolutely wear. This results in a 60-pound box of clothes, which I sent to a women and children's shelter in my hometown.

I also finally started shopping for my improved figure. My friend Golnaz (who has a most excellent blog called Persian Bites that you should totally be reading) turned me on to my new favorite retail chain, Anthroplogie. Until now, I had gazed upon the pages of the Anthropologie catalog wishing I could pull off the looks I coveted. She gently nudged me toward buying something new for myself and boy am I glad she did! I discovered something: Shopping is super fun when you're not fat! On average, I'm a size 6, which I have to tell you, feels AMAZING! I walked into a Lululemon store to look for a new sports bra and the sales lady said, "Let's see, you look like you're about a 6." I had forgotten for a second that I AM a size 6. It wasn't that long ago that she would have had to say, "What size are you?" Because no one wants to hear, "You look like you're about a size SIXTEEN..."

So now, my closet is full of new and tailored clothes that I have every intention of fitting into FOREVER. Lord, maintenance is hard, but I damn sure am not letting all the money I gave to Tony go to waste!

June 2011 - This little number has been altered three times by Tony. Like my pet buck?

August 2011 - Sporty new Lucky jorts paired with a size SMALL blouse from Anthropologie. Also, I'm blonde now. And my son has too many shoes...

Back in 1996, I was living on the Upper West Side and I had a blind date with a guy named Aaron. He was an okay-looking Jewish attorney, with a great sense of humor. We had dinner and drinks and I remember thinking, "This is going great. I'll totally go out with him again." So, as he's walking me back to my dorm, he says to me, "If you spent just three months working out, you'd be a total knock-out." Yeah. Super guy right? He followed that little nugget with, "I can tell by the way you dress, that you're self-conscious about your body." For my big date with Aaron the Douche-bag, Esq., I had chosen my favorite Banana Republic dress - one that I saw Monica wearing on an episode of Friends, thank you very much! I thanked him for his advice and asked not call me again. I never forgot how terrible he made me feel. I hope Aaron's wife has an iron-clad pre-nup in her favor...

Yo Aaron, How ya like me now? P.S. Suck it.

Hello. Is It Me You're Looking for?

2011-08-15T15:14:00.000-04:00

(song: Hello/artist: Lionel Richie)

Hey y'all! I'm still here. My hubby and son and I just got back from a week on Block Island but I'm still technically not home. We're renovating our bathroom so our apartment is now a make-shift work station for our Ukrainian contractor. It is uninhabitable at the moment, so I've come home to re-shift our travel gear before we head out to the Jersey Shore for a few days. I hate house-hopping. Hopefully, I'll be able to shower in my home by next week. I'm one of those crazy people that hates coming home to a dirty house, so I am really feeling frazzled and discombobulated right now..

But anyway, I am doing very well in the real world now that I'm eight weeks out of fitness rehab. Vacation on Block Island was a lot of fun. I ate and drank - not always in moderation - but I also exercised. I ran three miles, three times and did DVDs three times. Not bad for a beach vacation eh?

The thing is now that I'm back but "homeless", I'm really freaking out about when I can get a good workout! I hate going for more than three days without exercise, and now that I'm in full summer celebration mode, I have to exercise frequently if I want to enjoy a few cold brews and/or an ice cream cone. It's simply not negotiable. Hopefully, I'll get a good run tomorrow. I love that my mindset has changed so much!

Okay, I have to go before my son slices his hand on the contractor's band saw. I hope you're enjoying these last precious days of summer. Have fun but stay accountable!

I earned that beer after running three miles of Block Island hills!

La La How The Life Goes On

2011-07-21T14:05:00.001-04:00

(song: Obladi Oblada/artist: The Beatles)

July 21, 2011

Ooo wee, it is hot in New York City y'all! I mean, it smells like pee and rotting garbage from Coney Island to the Bronx. And what's with the hipster's refusal to wear deodorant?! You ride a bike everywhere, you STINK! Thank goodness my son has a super fun summer camp to go to every day, because his mama has a strict "no leaving the house till the sun goes down" rule in this weather. We are getting the hell out of this and heading to mom-in-law's Long Island home tomorrow. They shut the city down for snow. Why not heat!? But I digress...

So here I am, six weeks out of fitness rehab and I'm happy to report, that I'm doing alright. More than alright really. I'm living life as a healthy person, but also enjoying my life.

I exercise 6 days a week and I'm eating several small meals a day, and not snacking. Here's an example of my average daily menu:

6:30 AM - Shakeology (meal replacement shake) - this is a wonderful product from Beachbody.com that is packed with vitamins and fills me up before my morning workout

9:00 AM - Egg white omelet with spinach and fat-free feta on whole grain/low-carb tortilla

11:30 AM - Pear with 1 tablespoon of almond butter

1:00 PM - Turkey burger (no bun) with sauteed onions, mustard and tomato

3:30 PM - Hummus with red peppers and broccoli (for dipping)

6:00 PM - Grilled chicken breast and a spinach salad with fat-free feta, tomatoes, olives and olive oil.

I drink at least 2 liters of water a day and exercise for a minimum of one hour a day.

Since I'm no longer beholden to the Butt Master, I am mixing things up to keep my workouts from getting boring. One of my mom pals turned me onto a great boot camp class at a new fitness joint in my hood called Pura Vida Urban. The trainer/owner Morgan kicked our booties for a solid 45-minutes and I loved trying something new. I'm still doing the Brazil Butt Lift DVDs as I've got more work to do on my thighs and glutes, but I'm exploring other workouts and running more.

My workout schedule for this week is:

Monday - One-hour DVD + 20 minute ab workout in the evening (usually done while my son is in the tub)

Tuesday - 3.25 mile run in Prospect Park, leg-lifts with 10lb ankle weights + 20 minute ab workout in the evening

Wednesday - One hour DVD + 20 minute ab workout in the evening

Thursday - 3.25 mile run in Prospect Park, leg-lifts with 10lb ankle weights + 20 minute ab workout in the evening

Friday - One hour DVD + 20 minute ab workout

Saturday - 3-mile run with hubby (to the beach!)

Now, don't let my dedication give you the impression that I'm not prone to slip-ups. Last Saturday I went out to dinner with my husband and ate a whole mess of food that I washed down with some sugary cocktails. And that was BEFORE we went to a party with more food and booze. I only had one beer at the party, but after the two large and really strong cocktails I had before, I only needed one beer to make me feel super boozy. Then I proceeded to shovel pulled pork, BBQ ribs and cookies into my mouth like I was a contestant in an eating contest. AND, I got a to-go bag of cookies, three of which I ate in the taxi cab on the way home. AND, I ate another cookie AFTER I brushed my teeth, while I was lying in bed. Woke up with crumbs on my face and in my hair. I guess I was boozier than I thought...

But this is real life. And I am a real person. And I had a great time with my husband after many weeks of living in a unrealistic bubble of fitness discipline. I'm finding a balance between that world and the REAL world, and I'm very aware of the consequences of repeated over-indulging. But I'm not afraid of losing my grip on the amazing changes I've made in my life. One night isn't going to make me a size 16 again. This body is here to stay!

Time for me to pick up my little camper. Y'all stay cool...

Two Weeks Without You and I Still Haven't Gotten Over You Yet

2011-07-13T18:53:00.001-04:00

(song:Vacation/artist: The Go-Gos)

July 13, 2011

Okay, it's actually been FOUR weeks without the Butt Master, but who's counting? Me!

As I mentioned in my last post, Monday, June 13 was the day we filmed the infomercial. So what does one do after 109 days of chef-prepared meals and intense workouts with Leandro Carvahlo? If you're me, you immediately hop on a plane and head to south Georgia! Okay, the trip was planned long before the test group ended, but the timing turned out to be perfect. The day after the infomercial filmed, my son and I headed to my hometown where I was greeted by my "pretend-mom" (long story..) and my actual cousin - the two most wonderful women in the world and my very best girlfriends.

My cousin, me and my pretend-mom. My circle.

Thank god they were the first people I saw post test group! As it turns out, when you're life is all about exercise for three months, you get a little depressed when it ends. It also turns out, I needed to talk about it...a lot. My pretend-mom kept saying, "You just got out of fitness rehab." It became the ongoing joke. They were so kind and listened as I spent the first week in Georgia pining for my daily beatings from Leandro and freaking out about being on my own. The first time I went to the grocery store, I damn near had a panic attack. I bought milk, water and some apples, then ran back to the car in a frenzy. That's when it hit me...I'm completely responsible for my own food and exercise. No one is watching. No one is checking in. No one is monitoring me. Shit! Oh Leandro, why hast thou forsaken me!? I was scared out of my mind. I had been in denial about the end of this journey and now I had to face the music and begin to live on my own. Thank God I had such great support from my cousin and pretend-mom. It makes a huge difference when you're surrounded by people that love and encourage you. I didn't know how much I would need them. Georgia was exactly where I needed to be on the first day of the rest of my life...

The next day, I went back to the store - with a list - and survived. I mostly shopped the perimeter of the store, avoiding the delicious, but never nutritious, packaged food on the aisles. I bought chicken breasts, pork loin, almonds, fresh veggies & fruit and CHEESE! We had almost no dairy in our diet during the test group and I really missed it. I bought the same kinds of food we ate during the program - adding cheese and yogurt. I also bought a George Foreman grill for my cousin's guest house, where I always stay when I'm down south. I prepared meats ahead of time so I could easily make meals and stay on the same five-meals-a-day food plan. I can do this!

I'll admit I splurged on sweets and certain meals, but I mostly maintained healthy eating and portion-control during my trip. I limited my alcohol intake on the three occasions when I drank. After the first week back in the real world, I began to feel like I was not only in control of my life, but that I could actually live this way forever.When my husband arrived for the last four days of my trip, we pigged out! BBQ and beer at Southern Soul, a super fancy dinner Delaney's Bistro, ice cream at Zuzu's , Buffalo wings at The Shack, and a HUGE buffet of food and booze on July 4th. But here's the thing, I never beat myself up about it and I exercised almost every day.

YES, I continued my workouts! Do you think I'd screw up all the hard work I did by going to Georgia and stuffing myself full of fatty foods? Hell no!

Not after it took me every bit of two-and-a-half years to go from this:


November 2006 - Oooph! The only thing I miss about that body, are the boobs.

to THIS:

July 2011 - That belly hasn't seen the light of day in over 30 years!

I packed my portable DVD player, my Brazil Butt Lift DVDs, my ankle weights and resistance bands and went to Georgia with the same determination I had on the first day of the test group. And thanks to my cousin's other cousin (confusing right?), I had access to hand-weights and a home gym, complete with stationary bike, punching bag and a vintage - and I do mean OLD - cable machine so I could continue to tone my thighs and glutes.

Tiny Butt Master

"Vintage" cable weights still do the trick!

And when it wasn't too smokey from the unfortunate wildfires that surrounded my hometown, I utilized the great outdoors. Nothing like exercising against a beautiful southern backdrop of live oaks and marshland.

Dock sprints anyone?

In total, I exercised 17 of the 21 days I spent down south. Because being on vacation doesn't mean sabotaging oneself. I enjoyed myself a lot, but I earned my splurge days. I'm totally commited to this lifestyle...for life!

I know that I will NEVER be fat again because I will never stop exercising!

To end our trip, my husband and I ran in the July 4th 5K - which, for the metric illiterate, is 3.25 miles. I set a personal goal of 32 minutes for the race. My husband is super competitive so we made a wager: If he beat me by two minutes, he could name his prize. (Both of our mothers read this, so keep your lewd comments to yourself.) If he failed to win the two-minute spread, I would be the victor. Hello new outfit!

I started a little too quickly but stabilized and maintained a good pace. To my husband's amazement (and mine), I was right on his heels for most of the race. I got a little tired on the last mile, but kept my hubby in my sights. Because I know the area, I knew when we were nearing the end of the race. Okay Alison, breathe, steady your pace, then sprint past that bastard and show him your two-minute spread! I couldn't believe how close I still was to my husband. I saw the finish line, took a deep breath, then sprinted as fast as I could. Well, hubby had the same idea...so he started sprinting too! I knew I should have tripped him during mile two! That S.O.B. beat me by one stinking second. ONE SECOND! But, he lost our bet, and that was a huge reward. And I exceeded my personal goal of 32 minutes by finishing in 26 minutes and 44 seconds!! I was 13th out of 47 women in my age group.

If the Butt Master could see me now...

July 4th 2011

The Last Day of Our Acquaintance

2011-06-26T22:39:00.000-04:00

(song: The Last Day of Our Acquaintance/artist: Sinéad O'Connor)

Monday, June 13, 2011
Today was my final obligation to the Brazil Butt lift test group - the infomercial interview! I have to admit, I was really really excited. I arrived at the set and went straight to Marci the wardrobe stylist, whom I've now seen three times - at the day 1, 60 & 90-day photo shoots. She's a cute hipster who also has a toddler son, so we share mom tales while I'm cramming myself into workout clothes and bikinis. Today she gets to dress me in something other than the bikini and fitness wear I've been sporting for my monthly photos. I get to wear an actual outfit! She gives me a pair of jeans that look incredibly tiny, but I try them on anyway. Amazingly, they fit! We put them in the "maybe the one" pile, then I try on a few more jeans. Too big, too small, too blah...I tried them all. Then one more pair. Yep, these are the ones. I look in the mirror and behold myself wearing something I never thought I'd wear...size 4 skinny jeans! Having had a pretty staunch anti-skinny-jean stance for some time, it was hard for me to accept myself in a pair. But at the same time, I was floored that they fit. On March 2, at my day 6 assessment, Leandro said, "I think you can be a size 4." Well damn if that crazy Brazilian wasn't right! I told Jenny the producer that I felt so out of my comfort zone and she said, "This is your body now. This is how you should be dressing. No more Mom Jeans!" I love you Jenny...

Marci gives me a few different tops to try on before we settle on a hot pink sleeveless cross-back top. The outfit is finished with my own Betsey Johnson platform wedges that are the perfect over-the-top companion to the skintight jeans and top. I look like a Boston Proper ad...minus the fake boobs. I'M READY FOR MY CLOSE-UP!

I waddled a la Peg Bundy to my mark on the set. We filmed in a loft space that was decorated to look like I was being interviewed in my apartment. I got a brief run-down from Marc the dreamy director...sigh. I begged him not to make me demonstrate any Brazil Butt Lift dance moves as he did the gal that had her interview before me. No one needs to see me dancing on camera. No one.

We roll tape and Marc begins asking me a series of questions. Luckily I've been watching some Beachbody infomercials so I'm a little familiar with the types of things people say in their infomercial testimonials. However, I wasn't talking about my butt enough, so one of the producers said, "You have to say BUTT!" What can I say...I'm not a veteran of infomercial testimonials. Talking about my ass on camera, makes me the slightest bit self-concious. I take a deep breath and promise to say "butt" repeatedly. Marc is really great at asking questions specific to my body's - my BUTT'S - transformation. I felt super dorky because I'm really uncomfortable on camera, but I was completely honest in my responses. I mean, as cheesy as my answers were, they were totally from the heart. Leandro's Brazil Butt Lift program really does work and this experience really changed my life...and my butt. I am so extremely happy with my results and, as I said on camera, I will keep using what I've learned to maintain my new lifestyle and body and BUTT. Continued success is the only option for me. I believe in myself in a way I never did before this test group.

The cheesiest and most fun part of the filming, was when I had to look into the camera and say, "Check out my butt!" Then I had to turn around and SHOW my butt. This of course, took three takes. I cracked up after each one...

Check Out My Butt!

After the testimonial interview, I changed into a workout costume and was filmed exercising with my Brazil Butt Lift DVDs "in my home". Smiling (as one does when exercising) the whole time of course. I was filmed from the left side, so my camera leg was throbbing after repeated leg lifts, but I had a lot of fun. Since I'm not a professional actress, this was a really interesting experience. I'm not sure what, if any, footage will make the final cut, but hey, the infomercial wasn't the reason I did the test group in the first place. Still, how awesome would it be to turn on the TV at 2AM and see me talking about my butt? If I'm in the infomercial, I'm totally having a viewing party with butt-themed party favors...

I'm a Beachbody success!

Y'all Ready For This?

2011-06-22T23:42:00.003-04:00

(song: Get Ready For This/artist: 2 unlimited)

Hey hey hey everybody! I'm outta town and have limited computer access, but you've been so patient so - FINALLY - here's the post you've been waiting for. THE PHOTOS!
And the final stats...

So without further hesitation, I give you:

DAY ONE

2-15-2011/164 pounds/Size 10 (sometimes 12)

I know, I know...hideous right? Before you vomit, allow me to impart some perspective. The jiggly body in that picture, is the exact same jiggly body in this picture, just two months prior:

1-1-2011/Also 164 pounds and a size 10/12. See, everybody looks better in clothes!

DAY 30 

3-25-11/149 pounds/Waistline dwindling, abs still flabby, no inches lost off those thunder thighs. Grrr.

DAY 60

5-6-2011/142 pounds/Hello developing abs! 1.25" gone from each thigh!! Check out the arms.

DAY 90!

6-9-2011/137 pounds/Size 4/6!!!!
(I am still working on those thighs, but I'm extremely pleased with the progress I've made so far.)

But then I got to wear an even cuter swimsuit because the bottoms on my now infamous Target bikini were such a bad cut for my new booty. Here's the awesome swimsuit that I wish was mine and not the Beachbody wardrobe department's:

The awesome swimsuit that I wish was mine and not the Beachbody wardrobe department's.

So...to sum it up, in 110 days, I lost:
~28 pounds
~3.5" from my chest
~4" from my waist
~4" from my hips
~2" from each thunder thigh
~And my booty lifted 1 whole inch! (Though I question the science behind this measurement...)

I started at 164 pounds and ended at 137 pounds. Just two pounds shy of Leandro's prediction! On the day of the infomercial filming, I wore SIZE 4 SKINNY JEANS! Exactly the size Leandro said I would be. He believed; I achieved. And I am never looking back...

What I Like About You

2011-06-17T22:35:00.000-04:00

(song: What I Like About You/artist: The Romantics)

Oh hey. I've been travelling without computer access, but fear not, I've been jotting things down on my trusty iPhone so I could paste my thoughts into a new post once I got my hands on a computer. I need a laptop!

Monday - June 13, 2011
Because I am so in love with Leandro and have now adopted his booty obsession, I got a guest pass to his Monday pool class at Equinox. Of course I wanted to see the Butt Master, but I also wanted to utilize the gym before my big infomercial interview. (By the way, the bathing suit I wore for today's class was the same one-piece I wore for my Polaroid at the audition back in February. Like everything I own now, the top was too big, but I safety-pinned the straps so my sad deflated boobs didn't go rogue during class. It's a SPANX brand bathing suit, so it's made of super thick suck-it-all-in Lycra. At the audition, my ass and thighs were oozing out of the leg holes like sausage from it's casing. You know how bad it looks when a big squishy butt doesn't all fit into your big-girl panties. It was the first of my mortifying experiences during this test group. Today, the suit looks not-so-great for an entirely different reason. How awesome is that?! Anyway...)

I suit up and head into the pool area. The first person I see is Georgia, the gorgeous blond Australian!! We hugged like it was a war buddy reunion. Come to think of it...
It was wonderful to see her. She was a knockout on day 1. Tall, with a flat belly. Maybe she had a dimple on her butt before but all I know is, I still don't look as good as she did on the first day. Now, she's flawless. She has my dream legs. Tall, lean and fit. A triple threat, if you will. Her booty is perfection. She was chosen to be in a couple of Leandro's videos and she also provided background booty sculpting moves on Leandro's recent QVC tour.

The gorgeous blond Australian

We talked about how hard it is to lift yourself from the post-test-group depression. The obligation of class became such a routine for us. Throw in the daily food delivery and the amazing results, it's a full-time job that you never want to quit. I had trouble adjusting to three-days-week; I'm so glad I didn't have to go "cold turkey".

It was so fun to be in a class with her again. We got in trouble for talking too much - not unlike our test group days. I'm sorry that I didn't get more of an opportunity to spend time with her during the test group.

That's actually the one regret I have. Because of my son's school schedule, I always had to leave immediately following class, so I barely had a chance to socialize. I did meet a few girls that made an impression though. One girl was the hot blond that taught us the stripper routine on "sexy Thursday". She's surfer-babe beautiful - blond hair, blue eyes, killer body. She's also really smart and has a terrific sense of humor. She's like...a sexy hipster - if that were possible. Oh, and she's a competitive pole dancer, so she could cut down a tree using only the strength of her rock-hard abs. If she weren't so damn nice, I'd hate her. Instead I'm just extremely jealous of her.

Then there's the gal that read my blog and got offended, but then we had a "coming to Jesus" talk and ended up really liking each other. She's got a bawdy sense of humor, which I love. Kind-of a lady Howard Stern. We quickly felt comfortable telling each other really personal stories as we rushed to the subway after class. She's a remarkably strong woman with great insight, though she doesn't give herself enough credit for either. Also, I'd like to see her kick her Red Bull habit.

Then there was the rail-thin runway model. I of course assumed I wouldn't like her because, well, she's a rail-thin runway model. Isn't there a girl code rule that tells us to hate tall, thin, pretty girls? She's actually really grounded and kind. When she tells me she's praying for me, I believe her. We had a very in-depth conversation about family one day after class, and she helped me to see some things in a completely different way. This one chat had a huge impact on me.

I miss talking to the gorgeous Australian, the sexy pole dancer, the potty-mouthed Red Bull addict and the religious model. I shared an amazing experience with all of them. We all came into the test group for our own reasons. I learned a lot about acceptance; of myself and others. And learned not to make assumptions about strangers. Take a second to get to know people. You might be surprised.

And In the End...

2011-06-12T21:58:00.002-04:00

(song: The End/artist: The Beatles)

Well, my last week of Brazil Butt Lift test group workouts is officially over. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't emotional during my final workout at Leandro's studio. I had a lump in my throat the second I stepped into the studio. I got a little teary during the arabesque series on the Cybex. Overwhelmed with emotion...and of course the seering pain in my ass from lifting 40 pounds of weight using the power of a single butt cheek.

Leandro told us how proud he is of us and that this test group was the hardest he's worked on a single project in years. He went through a lot of personal turmoil during the test group and he said how much it helped him to have this project so that he was focused on something positive while he sorted out the negative. He got a little choked up, which of course made me cry. I am terrible with goodbyes, and couldn't say anything so after the workout, I discreetly left a gift behind for Leandro. A copy of a book aptly titled "Rear Ends", in which I wrote him a note of gratitude for helping me achieve goals I believed for so long, were far beyond my grasp.

Before I left, I took a minute to breathe and reflect on all that I've accomplished. Now it's time to go Alison. Take what you've learned and live your life the right way. Don't look back...

Friday was my triumphant return to the rotating turntable and the Target bikini I've been photographed in every thirty days for the last three months. God I hate that bikini! I hated it on February 15 because I was spilling out of it. I hate it today because the bottoms are a terrible cut for my newly improved bum bum. I brought the yellow bikini and told the producer that I had withheld it on day one because it looked so awful, but that I wore it proudly for the first time last weekend. She loved the story and decided to have me photographed in it as well. And then the wardrobe lady put me in an even cuter bikini because they just loved how awesome my results are. I felt fantastic! While I was on the rotisserie, the director and producer were simultaneously playing the footage of my day one turntable shoot. I heard a lot of "oh my gods" and "it's just incredible", and it made me feel so awesome to hear the accolades. My hard work is being noticed and I feel wonderful.

My last obligation to Beachbody is the interview for the infomercial. That will happen tomorrow afternoon. I'm excited to deliver my onscreen testimonial to the effectiveness of the Butt Master's program and to see all of my final photos and results. And as soon as I have permission from Beachbody, I'll post all the picture. The before, the middle, the after. I'll give you the numbers. And I'll tell you all about my plans to maintain my body and this life. I already know that I'll be successful.

But now, it's time for bed. Because I just can't get enough Leandro in my diet, I'm going to one of his classes before my interview tomorrow. It may not be a one-on-one training session, but it's ONE MORE DAY of getting a great workout from the man that changed my body and my life. I wouldn't miss it for the world!

My god, am I sad!

The World Outside is Tugging Like a Beggar at My Sleeve

2011-06-08T21:44:00.000-04:00

(song: Something Fine/artist: Jackson Browne)

Over the past weekend, my husband, son and I took a family roadtrip down to Richmond, VA to visit my husband's super fun cousin and her equally awesome husband. This has become an annual trip, which we plan far in advance because of everyone's hectic work schedules and because it's our official start of the summer season.

They've got a giant yard with a pool and a hot tub and we usually spend the weekend floating around, with a (few) cold beers in hand. Well...you can imagine my dismay when I learned that the extension would extend through the first two weeks of June, thus negatively impacting my usual debauchery during the Virginia trip. And to make matters worse, I'm doing the "6-day Supermodel Slimdown" for the last week of the test group. Yep, my green & white food - 1000 calories-a-day - diet week started in Virginia. There was a nano-second when I entertained canceling the trip, but I had to be able to put all this hard work and learning to good use. This trip was my first extended experience in "the real world".

Leandro knew I was going out of town for four days, so we talked about ways to exercise and the importance of staying focused on the clean diet. I'm pretty sure he means not to get wasted every night. So I packed my exercise wear, ankle weights, foam roller and Brazil Butt Lift DVDs and headed south for the weekend. Since my cousins-in-law are completely aware of my little booty school adventure, they were 100% supportive and accommodating. They have an elliptical machine and weights and an exercise room. No excuses Alison! So I mapped out my plan for the weekend and committed to working out every day during the visit. And workout I did! I logged one hour on Friday (after our six-hour drive I might add), one hour on Saturday, 45 minutes on Sunday and a brief ab and leg workout on Monday morning before our drive home. Not bad eh?

It was hard as hell to abstain from drinking, but I managed. The thing is, I've become so comfortable with who I am, that I no longer feel the desire to be drunk. Don't get me wrong, I miss drinking. I just don't miss drinking to excess. I used to feel like being tipsy (drunk) was the only way I could enjoy myself and/or the only way people enjoyed me. I wasn't confidant enough to just be...me. I have to tell you, I had a great time NOT drinking last weekend! I really love the people I was with, but most importantly, I really love me! Yay for personal breakthroughs! Don't get me started on how awesome it feels to wake up without a pounding headache and the morning-after bloat that accompanies the dreaded hangover. I really like feeling good!

On Sunday, I allowed myself some "cheat time" - not a cheat DAY - and had some yummy food at the Richmond Food Festival. I didn't obsess about how much I was eating, I just enjoyed the food and the desserts and the two glasses of wine I had. It was four hours out of one weekend..and that is reality. I'm in control of my life and my choices, and I have no regrets. That's how I'll be able to live healthy and be happy.

Oh, and I totally wore a two-piece swimsuit! Back in February when I had to buy a bikini for the day-one shoot, I bought two suits. One is the suit I've been wearing in all the monthly photos, the other I refused to even bring to the shoot because I felt my my body was horrendous in it and I didn't want to risk having Beachbody choose that as my test group photo swimsuit. Well, last weekend I wore that rejected suit, and my body looked much less horrendous. Though I wish my vow to sculpt and tone my body hadn't coincided with my vow to never tan again. If my belly were any whiter, I'd glow in the dark. But I digress...

Here it is!

Did you really think I was going to reveal the new bod? Not until the 90-day photos are taken! I promise to post EVERYTHING! The before, the middle, the after...I'll give it all to you. Even though the "after" photos will NOT be the "end" photos. Both Leandro and I know that my journey doesn't end this week. The test group ends, but I still have work to do.

I have a vision of my future body and I am on a mission. A mission to eradicate all cellulite and fat from my thighs. A mission to look like a model from the Athleta catalog. And I will not stop until my mission is complete. And when my mission is complete, I will spend the rest of my life in the body I've worked so hard to achieve.

Model from the Athleta catalog

And because I know I can do it, I'm not totally freaked out by a weekend in Virginia, or my upcoming trip to my hometown in Georgia, or any event in life for that matter. I've already started living life outside the protective test group bubble. Of course I'm nervous, but I'm ready. I'm ready...

The Final Countdown!

2011-06-07T15:12:00.000-04:00

(song: The Final Countdown/artist: Europe)

If you're a fan of Arrested Development, you're totally picturing Gob doing his "illusions" right now...

Okay, I'm behind on my blogging so allow me to bring you up-to-speed. I started writing this post on June 1st, so humor me and pretend it's June 1 will ya?

June 1, 2011 - Wednesday with The Butt Master

There's a rumor going around that I'm obsessed. No shit! This was going to go one of two ways: either I worked my ass off and learned to live a healthier life or, I half-assed it then celebrated the end of the test group with a tall beer and a bag of pork rinds. I am so glad the former happened!

Well, I just finished my 3rd of 6 final workouts at the Butt Master's lair. OH MY GOD am I sore!! As he did at the end of the full class test group, Leandro has upped the ante and is pushing us HARD. Not only has he increased our weights and reps, our sessions are now a minimum of 90 minutes. Tuesday's session was nearly two-hours long. We start with a cardio circuit: Me on the treadmill, Marissa on the trampoline with light dumbbells, Courtney doing step-ups on the weight bench. Every 4 minutes, we switch stations until we've each done all of them. Then we do a circuit of three sets of walking lunges with 25-pound weights, squats with 25-pound weights, split squats with 25-pound weights, dead lifts with 25-pound weights. On the third set, I had to drop to 20-pound dumbbells because my forearms were throbbing and my palms were numb. After that brutal circuit, two of us go on the Cybex for inner and outer thigh work, while the third girl gets more cardio time on the treadmill. And then there's some on-the-floor with ankle weights stuff, some lunging-in-place with ankle weights, some jumping rope, squats with a medicine ball, some abs on a Bosu ball stuff...not all on the same day, but a mix of of these exercises are peppered into our three days with Leandro. And of course, I am still doing Leandro's ab DVD at home....every day.

6.2.11 - Thursday

Another 90 minutes of non-stop ass busting work! My hamstrings and inner-thighs were so sore when I woke up. I had to take ibuprofen before I got to Leandro's studio because I was practically crippled. Thirty minutes rolling my thighs and butt on the foam roller and 800mg of Motrin made it possible for me to crank out another brutal workout. After our session, Leandro sits us down to discuss our weekend homework and reiterate the importance of the next several days leading up to THE END. He tells us to try to workout twice a day because we all "need as much work as possible". He tells Marissa and Courtney to do extra cardio and tells me to really focus on sculpting. This makes me feel awesome. Really! He's been telling me to do as much cardio as possible throughout this test group, and now he's saying to focus more on the sculpting. I know he means to do both, but I also know he sees that I'm committed to cardio homework so he doesn't have to say it anymore. It's like getting to a higher level in a video game!

The last thing he tells us is that he still needs to see our bodies. I know exactly where this is going...he wants us to wear shorts. I am over the self-consciousness of working out with a bare midriff, but now I have to trade in my cute, ass-shaping, thigh-sucking Lululemon leggings for some short shorts so the Butt Master can see how much cellulite he's working with on these last few days. And so, I headed right to the sporting goods store for a new pair of shorts. What the Butt Master wants, the Butt Master gets...

I Don't Ever Want to Play the Part of a Statistic on a Government Chart

2011-05-30T11:55:00.003-04:00

(song: Invisible Sun/artist: The Police)

Good morning! Today is Memorial Day. Hubby is off work and I'm on my 30th day of my 41-day test-group extension. So far, we've had 10 sessions at Leandro's studio, and we'll have 6 more before our final photoshoot and infomercial interview. So this means I ONLY HAVE 11 DAYS LEFT! Just 11 days of prepared meals, personal training and all the resources my heart desires. Come Monday, June 13, I'M ON MY OWN! And this gets me thinking, "What the hell am I going to do?!" Well guess what, I'm really not that freaked out. I mean, I was terrified as the end of April approached and I was facing life on my own, but this extension was exactly what I needed to ease into life on my own.

Now that we only see Leandro three times-a-week, I'm responsible for the other 4 days of the week. And I assure you, I am not sitting on my much-improved ass.

5.25.11 - my much-improved ass

My average week is:

Monday - One hour of cardio - either a 3.25 mile run in the park or a DVD, followed by weighted leg work at home. During my son's bath, I do Leandro's 18-minute ab workout DVD.

Tuesday - Leandro's studio. Ab DVD during toddler bathtime.

Wednesday - Leandro's studio. Ab DVD during toddler bathtime.

Thursday - Leandro's studio. Additional weighted leg work at home. Ab DVD during toddler bathtime.

Friday - One hour of cardio, followed by weighted leg work. Ab DVD at bathtime.

Saturday - 3.25 mile park run. Ab DVD.

Sunday - Move it Momma (bootcamp class) in the park OR one-hour Brazil Butt Lift DVD. Additional ab DVD and weighted leg work.

Catching my ab theme? During these last few days, I am religiously doing Leandro's "Tummy Tuck" DVD every day. I was doing it every other day, but during a workout last week, I inhaled just the right way and I saw the slightest hint of a developing six-pack. Seriously, it was just a hint, but that was just enough for me to kick it into high gear and push harder to burn the fat off those new muscles underneath. (Plus, Leandro told me to do the DVD every day and he knows I'll do anything he tells me to do.) Working out with an exposed midriff has proven to be very successful in helping me maintain core form and breathe properly. While I hate seeing the sagging skin during my plank exercises, I know that it's greatly improved my overall posture and is the reason my ab muscles are developing so quickly.

So it's safe to say I have a firm hold on my accountability outside of Leandro's studio. I'm still submitting weekly journals to Beachbody and Leandro, in which I document all of the work I do on my own. I also tell them about my food and any cheating. Speaking of which, I've been much better about my nighttime snacking. It's SO hard to resist the urge to quietly pillage the snack cupboard after my son goes to bed, but I already know that I possess incredible willpower, so when that little voice says, "just a handful of chocolate animal crackers won't kill you", I tell it to shut up. Then I brush my teeth and stay out of the kitchen. Because that handful of chocolate animal crackers may only be 130 calories, but it's also 29 carbs and I know better than to delude myself into thinking that (a) I can stop at one serving and (b) calories are the only thing that matters. You can't have long-term success by only counting calories. If you aren't taking nutritional value - carbs, sugars, fiber, protein - into account, you're not learning to live differently. You're simply losing weight temporarily. Anyone can lose weight by cutting calories. You only keep it off when you completely change your way of eating.

And in that vein, I decided to do a sweep of my pantry and fridge. Part of this process for me, has been educating myself about what I'm eating and what I'm feeding my family. Now that I have the cookbook published by the company that makes my meals, I'm shopping differently - like really reading labels - and not buying things with the idea that "my son can have this but I'll stay away from it". Why is it okay to give the sugary snacks to my son and not myself? I bought several books about nutrition and am now making smarter choices when I shop.

I'm learning!

I'm not going to start making my son eat flax cakes, but I did decide to eliminate some of the higher sugar and carb content snacks we had in the pantry. For example, instead of the chocolate animal crackers, I bought these granola snacks which he loves and calls "gruh-ola cookies". They're low in sugar, high in hippie-esque grains and fiber, and meet his need for a sweet treat. When he asks for a treat, I offer sliced apples with honey-sweetened soy-nut butter or natural peanut butter - NO SUGAR or hydrogenated oil. He does love apple juice, but I've always diluted it with water so he doesn't get a sugar overload. He's getting 60/40 water to applejuice on average and doesn't really know the difference. On occasion he goes to a birthday party or a relative's house and gets high-octane juice, but he doesn't seem to notice the watered down version he gets at home. We're lucky to live in an era (and a city) of health-conscious parenting so it's easy to police what he's eating and drinking. Of course there will be the occasional cupcake or ice cream, but if it's occasional, it's a treat. if it's every day, IT'S A HABIT. And I'd rather he have a small portion real ice cream - with cream, sugar and milk, than a large portion of reduced fat, reduced calorie crap - with chemically altered mystery ingredients. Since he's a toddler, he's a picky eater, but he happily eats chicken, turkey meat and pork. He would live on ravioli and mac & cheese if he had a choice, but I've cut back on his pasta intake and increased his lean protein. Veggies are a tough sell for a little one, but I'll keep trying. In the meantime, he gets multi-vitamins daily.

Because I've had fresh meals made for me every day since February 23rd, I've become accustomed to small portions and frequent meals. I feel completely ready to go out into the "real world" and continue this way of healthy eating and living. I'm not afraid anymore! I have the tools I need to make the right choices for myself and for my family. During this extension, I've had "cheat meals" and even had a drink here and there. The difference is, I watch the portion of the meals, and I drink significantly less alcohol. I know what booze does to my body and I won't be controlled by urges or empty calories and sugar. I'll enjoy the meal and a glass or two of wine or beer, then I'll wake up the next day and get right back to the business of being healthy. I know I can do this.

I am loving my body these days, but will still have work to do on my thighs and abs when this test group ends. Because of years of fat build-up on my thighs, I will have to continue my weighted leg work and cardio to combat some skin-sag due to rapid weightloss and to eliminate the remaining fat. The same goes for my belly. I've sort-of outgrown my skin and when I'm in a plank position, the skin on my stomach hangs down like...smooth, pink Silly Putty. It's not fat, it's skin...and it grosses me out. Don't get we wrong, it's not like it looks like a morbidly obese person that lost 400 pounds, but you can clearly see that some parts of my thighs are fat and some is sagging skin. When I'm wearing workout gear or regular clothes, you can't tell. But I know it's there and I want it gone! I've talked to Leandro endlessly and he believes - so that means I do too - that it will regain elasticity and become a part of the lean legs and abs I've dreamed of for so long. I KNOW I WILL ACHIEVE MY GOAL. I'm not worried about falling off the wagon and gaining my weight back or simply maintaining what I've already done. Maintenance only begins when I've reached my goal. And I'm so close...

I have a picture of my size 16 self on my refrigerator as a reminder of what I did to myself by abusing my body for so many years. For me, it's important to have that visual so I can congratulate myself on how far I've come. Some people like to delete all reminders of their fat past. Not me. I look at that fat girl every day, and think, "Never again." Then I start another great day of clean living. And it gets a little easier every day.

January 2009 - Fat mommy sporting a size 16 at 193 pounds - NEVER AGAIN!

'cause Cheap is How I Feel

2011-05-28T08:52:00.000-04:00

(song: 'cause Cheap is How I feel/Artist:Cowboy Junkies)

Last night I did something no one should on a Friday night - on Memorial Day weekend. I went to Target at Brooklyn's Atlantic Terminal station, the city's largest transit hub. Huge mistake. It was a colossal nightmare; People everywhere scrambling to buy God-knows-what for the three-day weekend. I only did this to myself because, suddenly Mother Nature decided to give us tropical weather, and it hit me that I have no summer clothes that fit! I know, I know...there are way worse problems, but my size 10 Land's End activity skorts from last year's summer "momdrobe" look ridiculous now. (As opposed to last year when they looked super stylish...) Since my family has an action packed outdoor weekend planned, I had to get some damn clothes. And I'm still not ready to invest a lot in new clothes because, let's face it, these thighs are shrinking, but they're still not "there" yet. So I left my son with hubby and decided to - as calmly as possible - brave the madness of Target on a Friday, at 5:00PM.

Targhetto madness

I went into zen mode and made my way through the womens' clothing section, collecting every pair of of size 6 & 8 shorts that looked semi-decent. And then I stood on the three-mile-long fitting room line for what seemed like an eternity. I was also starving, which didn't help, but since I really had no other choice, I resisted the urge to get a giant pretzel at the in-store snack bar. Finally making way to the front of the line with my 14 items, I entered my tiny fitting room with the allotted 6 items and began the dreaded trying-on stage. Why are shorts so SHORT!? Seriously, I've always hated shorts because of my ample thighs, so I usually wear skirts or skorts. Even with significantly less thigh fat, the shorts I tried on were so unflattering. Every bit of cellulite and fat seemed to flow right out of every pair. Ewww! I settled (and I do mean SETTLED) for a pair of white, size 8 Converse® shorts that will at least get me through the weekend. AT $25, they exceeded my budget, but were the only half-way decent shorts I found. I guess I do need to figure out what my summer mom-uniform is going to be. My legs are sort-of ready for shorts, but I need something longer than the hot-pants I tried on, and shorter than the uber-frumpy Merona® cargo capris that I tried, as they, combined with my newly shorter haircut, just screamed, I'M A MOM!


Don't do it moms!

Truthfully, I've always dreaded summer clothes shopping. Fat or thin, it's hard to feel cute when the humidity is at 100% and your shirt is nestled in the sweaty folds of your belly. Thankfully we'll be spending a lot of time near swimming pools and beaches, which means I'll get to wear a cover-up for much of the summer. As I do every year, I'll figure something out for the days I need real clothes. This year, I might actually pull off "cute"...

If You Don't Mind, I Will Beat on Your Behind

2011-05-22T11:26:00.001-04:00

(song: What's the Matter Here/artist: 10,000 Maniacs)

I'm adding the credit for my blog titles since I've gotten a lot of questions and feedback about my blog titles. Most of you have figured out that they're song lyrics. Some of you were naive enough to think I came up with them on my own. Bless yer hearts...

HI EVERYONE!! Have you missed me? Sorry for not blogging as regularly as I have in the past. We had a bit of nice weather here in New York, which means I can't justify leaving my sweet son in front of the the TV while I blog about my ass. And then we had back-to-back 5-day visits from my son's grandmothers. One of whom is the quintessential doting grandma that always arrives with tons of presents, never says no and gives my son every sugary nutrient-free snack he wants. The other, is my mom. They both stay in our office/man-cave, so my time at the computer is limited when we have guests. But now the Grandmas are gone, the crappy weather is back and I'm nestled at my desk, ready to tell you all about my experiences with Leandro in the final phase of the Brazil Butt Lift test group!

Wednesday 5.4.11 - Day 1 in The Butt Master's lair

This was the day that Leandro and I discussed the plan for the month and agreed that my thighs and abs are the most crucial areas of focus for the next 30 days. My extension partner Marissa* is there and we are pumped to get started and so excited we're "the chosen ones". Until we learn, there is yet another chosen one. Courtney* from the 8:30AM group is going to start training with us next week. Yay for Courtney, bleh for Marissa and me since Leandro's studio is tiny and only seems to have two of everything, but we smile and pretend it's not annoying.

Leandro, once again, tells us that he NEEDS TO SEE OUR BODIES. I heard his multiple times during the 9.5 week test group but was never willing to expose myself in a public setting. But now, it's just Leandro and his exclusive group of still-overweight-but-very-hardworking-and-had-amazing-results-in-the-first-two-months "winners", so I give the butt Master what he wants and I take off my damn shirt. Here you go Butt Master! Here's my flabby abs for you to see! Happy?! Marissa follows my lead and the two of us suck in our guts and get to work.

He starts us on a cardio warm-up - Marissa doing side shuffles on the treadmill, me doing jumping jacks on the trampoline while using 5-pound weights for a simultaneous shoulder press. This is my first experience watching my belly in the mirror while I exercise. It feels like day 1 of the test group. Every time I jumped, my belly fat rippled upward and practically made a boinging sound.

The good thing is, having to see my half-naked body, really makes me engage my abs and I am starting to see more definition as a result of this daily humiliation. So, while I hate the sight of my bouncing flesh, seeing it makes me work harder.

After 5 minutes, we switch stations and go for five more minutes. Then it's time to get serious.

First he puts each of us on the Cybex cable-weight machine for a series of tortuous thigh and butt work. (Because of our still-ample thighs, we learn that the Cybex series will be a part of our workout every day that we're with Leandro.)

We started with the inner-thigh. 20 pounds for 50 reps.

Then we do the same weight and reps for the outer-thigh on the same leg.

Then we face the machine and do 40 reps at 30 pounds of straight-leg arabesques. (Sorry, couldn't find a picture.) Then we switch the weight to the other leg and repeat the series. My ass was throbbing after the arabesques! The good news is, we only have to do that series once. The bad news is, after we did it, we had to do traveling lunges with 25-pound dumbbells! I gasped and said I hadn't used more than the 15-pound dumbbells we used during the group class. Leandro smiled and said, "35s are coming honey!" Ay ay ay!

We walked the length of the studio four times. My arms, hands and shoulders were shaking uncontrollably but I pushed hard and, thanks to my exposed belly, really used my core muscles to help maintain balance and form. I was dripping with sweat at this point.

Then it was time for some light ankle weights for the side-lunge-knee-up series that we've done many times in the past. Those were followed by my favorite - the curtsy lunge. Then we got the mats out and put the super heavy weights on our ankles and got down to business with some leg lifts on the floor. This included inner and outer thigh lifts on our side: 15 double-count, 15 single-count, 30 pulsed. Straight leg lifts: 15 double-count, 15 single-count, 30 pulsed. Bent knee kick-backs: 15 double-count, 15 single-count, 30 pulsed. Marissa and I were moaning and sweating and so happy when it was over. Now that we can't hide among a group of 20+ people, we can't get away with half-assed form or prolonged water breaks. Thank God we only see Leandro three days a week! We're really going to need the recovery time....

5.12.11 - Extension day 3. Sweaty and bare-bellied..and really sucking it in...

*Names changed. Can't have these girls suing me when my blog gets published then optioned for a Lifetime movie...

Give Yourself Prudence, and Love Your Friends

2011-05-20T14:55:00.001-04:00

Around the six-week point of the test group, I got an email from my friend Marie, congratulating me on my success thus far and asking me how my friends and family were reacting. At that point, the reactions were mostly positive, with the exception of one cousin that seemed incapable of saying anything - positive or negative - about the test group, my blog (which I know she reads) or my results. I explained to Marie that petty jealousy comes naturally to this particular relative so it really came as no surprise that she hadn't said anything. In fact, it's become quite comical that three months later, she hasn't uttered one word in my presence, even though everyone else in my family talks about it. Sadly, she comes from a long line of women that never congratulate each other so, in her case, I don't take it personally.

Marie said that when she went through her own physical transformation a few years ago, she was met with a lot of hostility from people she had once considered friends. It got me thinking about a conversation I had with my beautiful, British friend Lynsey. She told me that while on a diet, a "frenemy" of hers made a snarky remark about her weight loss efforts. A back-handed compliment along the lines of "Look at you...having a go at losing weight..." You know those friends that patronize you when you start to feel good about yourself? The friends that love you when you're a little down, and will kick you if you dare try to get up. They need you to stay in your role as "dowdy, but pretty-enough friend". We all have these people in our lives. I'm slowly getting rid of mine...the ones I'm not related to at least.

A few weeks ago I went to a cocktail party/book signing for a writer friend of mine. I don't see her very often, but we get along very well and our kids love each other. At the party, I encountered a group of women, whom I only see through the writer friend, but always enjoy being around. Friends-once-removed, if you will. Much to my surprise, they sort-of snubbed me. One of them very backhandedly complemented my success by saying "I'm impressed. I wish I had time to workout but my career makes it impossible for me to budget time for exercise." She really seemed to emphasize the word 'career' as a statement of her importance. Yeah, yeah I get it. You're super busy with your important career and I'm a vain and shallow housewife with too much free time. It wasn't as if I had entered the room by busting through a poster-size photo of myself before I lost weight.

I didn't even mention the test group! All I did was show up to support a friend. Minutes after the uber-busy career woman "congratulated" me, she gathered the other ladies and they huddled in a corner with their glasses of wine while I uncomfortably shuffled around alone, until the reading started. I felt like the new kid that no one plays with.

I had been warned by Marie and a few other fit friends that this would likely happen. Even though these women are not close friends, it was hurtful to be treated as an outcast. But here's the ironic twist: this is the same group of women that high-fived me when I first lost weight with Turbo Jam. They were (I thought) super impressed when I went from a size 16 to a size 12. Some of them even bought Turbo Jam! But when I went from a 12 to whatever size I am now, they were seemingly incapable of saying anything positive. So it was totally okay for me to go from obese to frumpy, but not okay to ditch frumpy in favor of fit? I understand that my happiness touched the raw nerve of their insecurity and jealousy, but it still really hurt my feelings.

Frankly, I'd be super jealous if my friend got this amazing opportunity. I'd like to think I would take the honest route - as several of my true friends have - and say "I'm so jealous, but so happy for you!" (And girls, you can come to my house for booty workouts ANY time!) I certainly will think twice about the way I react to news that sparks my insecurity. If you can't be happy for someone you care about, what does that say about you? What is it you hate about yourself that makes you so angry when you see your friends happy? Why is it easier for you to hate others than to love yourself?

I've wasted a lot of years caring about the opinions of people that have never really been nice to me, or happy for me. And now I can honestly say, I don't give a damn what "those types" think of me. No one should apologize for being happy. I like me! I really really like me!!

Big Bottom, Drive Me Out of My Mind? How Could I Leave This Behind?

2011-05-09T21:35:00.000-04:00

Today's title brought to you by Spinal Tap. (So mad at myself for not using that one 9 weeks ago...)

Oh my loyal readers, I am so sorry for the posting pause! I have been busy with the various other things that occupy my life. You know, I'm not just a woman trying to literally work her ass off. I'm a mom, a wife, a...oh that's pretty much it. But anyway...

I got my 60-day results (Which are really 65-day results, but who's counting?) and I'm pretty goddamn pleased with myself. So, in 65 days I lost:

22 POUNDS!

AND

3" inches from my chest (bye bye boobs)
3.5" inches from my waist
4" inches from my waist at the belly button
3.25" from my hipbone
1.25 " from my left thigh
1.5" from my right thigh
1" inch from each arm

AND

my butt lifted .5" (I'm sure this is a very scientific measurement)

I haven't really bought any new clothes except for a pair of running leggings that are a size 6 - woo hoo! But they're Lycra so let's not get too worked up. Yesterday I pulled an old size 8 dress out of my closet. It was a little roomy but not swallowing me, so I'm hovering in the 6/8 size range now. Two years ago, I was a size 16! How freaking awesome is that?!

Now, you're probably thinking, "she must look amazing by now". And you're mostly right. I am extremely proud of my accomplishments and my current body exceeds the expectations I had when I walked into that audition on February 15. But (or should I say "butt"), if I've learned one thing from Leandro, it's DON'T SETTLE FOR LESS! Seriously, that's his tag line, his catchphrase, his schtick if you will. So even though I feel great and look a billion times better than I ever imagined, I see myself naked every day, and I know that I can be even better. And thankfully the Butt Master completely agrees! That's right, I GOT THE EXTENSION!!! I am officially in my bonus month of booty school! Now it feels like I'm a contestant in a fitness competition. I am in it to win it!

Dare to dream

I had a pow wow with Leandro to discuss our plan of attack over the next month. We're focusing heavily on the stubborn thigh region, the flabby abs and my triceps. This battle won't be easy, but I will emerge victorious! I asked him about my abs. They are still quite...icky. I shed my tank top and really let him get in there and see what he's working with. He believes (and who am I to question fitness genius) that it's a combo of plain old fat and stretched skin from being very overweight and losing it faster than the skin could regain elasticity. He tells me he seen much worse, which is only mildly reassuring. I asked him how long, realistically, it might take for everything to fall into place, as it were. He replied simply, "Its gonna be gone in a month." I no longer doubt anything this insane man says, now that I'm a measly 6 pounds away from achieving the goal weight he set for me in February. If he believes it, I do too.

So the way this month will work is, I will go to Leandro's studio three-days-a-week for an hour-long session. I am partnered with another gal from my class. I didn't know her well during the group class, but she seemed nice and I'm extremely relieved that she has a similar body type so we can work together to achieve our goals. She's a little shorter than I am and a thousand times more graceful because she studied dance in her past life. I noticed her form in class and envied her grace during the curtsy lunges.

The stakes are high because I feel pressure to get the most out of this bonus month as possible, but I am scared to death because I have accountability on the days I'm not with Leandro. YIKES! I'm still getting food - thank God! - so I don't have to worry about that yet, but I have to be faithful to working out on my "off days", and really watch my snack habit, which is at its worst after 7PM. Do not get me started on my raging sweet tooth...

Okay, there's more to the story, but I must go to bed. The weekend was long and involved a wee bit of "off program" food and drink, and I'm tired y'all. Now you know the good news, and the next phase of The Buttington Post has officially begun!

Thanks to all of my friends and family who have been so supportive and encouraging since I started this in February. It means so much to hear how proud you are. Especially in those moments when I feel like giving up.

Return I Will, to Old Brazil

2011-05-03T21:16:00.000-04:00

5.2.11 - The live workout taping

So today was the live taping of our group workout. It was the 8:30 girls and the 10:00 girls together, all dolled up in bright colored, Brazilian inspired workout wear, per the instructions of the Butt Master's crew. We taped in a really nice loft space instead of our usual gym. I'm not actually sure if this will be part of a DVD or part of the infomercial. All I know is, I got to wear this super cute Lululemon tank top and have one more Butt Master group workout. It was all really fun and exciting, and kind of cool to see how the infomercial world works.

I'm in the way back, on the left in the blue top and black tights. Don't blink or you'll miss me.

Because this was being filmed, there was a lot of stopping and starting, so it wasn't a "real" workout, but the blinding lights and multiple takes of us doing squat-arabesques, provided a good sweat for all of us. We filmed a series of weighted leg lifts, during which Leandro walked over to point out the areas of my body the move would be most beneficial. After he motioned to my saddle bags, he gave me an enthusiastic double high-five. I totally hope that makes the final cut of the infomercial! Some of the moves got a little dancey, but I managed not to cry this time. I thought it would be bad marketing to have the "thicker" gal in the back row weeping during the Bahia Samba. I'm sure the camera crew knew whom to concentrate their filming efforts during the more rhythmic sections. There was a camera guy walking through the lines of girls, filming close-ups of well-toned butts during the squat series. I couldn't help but notice that he skipped me...

It was great to see my fellow test subjects one last time. We were all nervous about our upcoming interviews and speculating about who will win what prizes. My interview is Wednesday. I can't wait to hear how many inches I've lost and find out if I am indeed going to have to face reality that "Life after Leandro" truly begins this week. I'm not feeling as as sad as I did last week. Progress I suppose.

This morning, I got my son ready for school, then got myself ready for a 3.5 mile run in the park. And although I was tired from staying up too late last night, I did the entire run without walking; Finishing in just under 35 minutes. Very good for someone that has never really been a runner. I find I enjoy the solitude of running. Alone with my thoughts and the challenge of staying in motion without a walking break. I'll work my way up to 5 miles by the end of next week. I'm semi-interested in training for the Brooklyn half-marathon. Kind of a "bucket list" thing. Not a marathon - I think that's insane, but 13 miles seems manageable and would be a pretty great accomplishment for this feats-of-strength newbie. The only downside (besides the running of the 13 miles) is that I'd have to train during the bitter winter months. But, I think I just might be up for it...maybe. I'm scheduled to take a Move It Momma class in the park on Thursday and another on Sunday morning. I'm filling up the calendar with workout dates and holding tightly to the progress I've made and the progress yet to come. It all seems a little less terrifying with each passing day.

When the World Is Running Down, You Make the Best of What's Still Around.

2011-05-02T23:30:00.001-04:00

4.27-30.11 - The last workout and The 60-Day Photo shoot and life after Leandro

Part of the reason I have been absent from blogging, aside from legitimately being busy, is that I had a tough time accepting that the test group was over. My last class on Wednesday was so great and so sad for me. The energy in the room and intensity of the workout were both so high because of the finality of it all. It was an all-weight class, but I was sweating like it was non-stop cardio. When we finished our last set of abs at the end, I looked at the gorgeous blond Australian, whom I've come to know and really like over the course of this test group, and we both started crying. Equal parts sad and relieved that we wouldn't be coming in the next day for a brutal cardio workout. I hugged Leandro and thanked him for choosing me in February and for believing me in a way that I never have. I couldn't say goodbye to Jessica. I knew I'd see her the next day at my photo shoot, and I knew I couldn't talk to her without bursting into tears. She's made a hugely positive impact on my self-esteem and in my physical life. She's been my own personal cheerleader for the past 65 days and I will miss seeing her every day.

Leaving the gym for the last time, was terribly sad for me. I realize how much I love the routine of going to workout 5 days a week. It became like a job that I actually enjoyed. I won't miss the morning commute on the subway, but I will miss the workouts. And although I haven't made many friend in the class, (Not because I didn't want to, but more so that my home life is so different. Not a lot of time to socialize when you have to leave immediately following class to pick up your toddler at nursery school...) the group environment was key in making me push harder. Before this test group, I was content to exercise in the privacy of my home. Now, I need to be in a gym or a park, around other people with like-minded goals. I work harder when others are watching and I have more accountability. I like to pick a person and secretly compete with her or him so that I get the best workout. I'm driven...

Thursday: The first day of not going to the gym for Leandro's class...made me sad. After 48 group workouts at the gym, I felt so melancholy this morning. Like I had no purpose. But since I had my final photo shoot, I did at least get to see Jessica and a few of my fellow test subjects. The first thing to be done when I arrived was final measurements and weigh-in. I managed to lose half a pound since Tuesday's weigh-in, so my official 60-day weight is 143 pounds for a total weight-loss of 21 pounds! Not bad eh?

Day 1 - 164 lbs. & Day 35 - 149 lbs

Day 65 - 143 lbs and getting more toned by the day!

After Jessica weighed and measured me, I went to the wardrobe lady to don my Target bikini, then it was time to make my triumphant return to the rotating turntable! It's been 65 days since I had my humiliating rotisserie experience, and I can't wait to show the crew how far I've come. (Never mind how far I need to go, but I know there were some day-1 doubters in the room that will be surprised by my progress.) I am greeted by Marc, the director of the the turntable process. He's tall and looks like Sean Connery in the the movie "The Rock" - without the weapon, but he has the swagger of Jeff Bridges in "The Big Lebowski" - without the bottomless white Russian.

I admit, I have a bit of a crush on him so I'm a little awkward in his presence. And yeah, my husband does read my blog, but he's constantly telling that he's going to trade me in for a trophy wife some day, so he'll just have to deal with my declaration of fleeting admiration for the infomercial director. Maybe when my husband trades me in for a younger model, Marc would like a trophy wife...in her early to mid-40s. One man's trash...

So I take my place atop the rotating turntable and have my much-improved figure, filmed from every angle. It's still pretty mortifying, but less so than the first day. While I was being filmed on the turntable, Leandro walked into the studio. It was so wonderful to see him - especially because I felt so sad about not being at the gym with my group. He looked so proud, which made me feel great. I felt simultaneous feelings of "Look what you helped me do!" and "I really hope that I get to keep working with you so I can be even better!" After the spinning portion ends, Marc the silver fox does a brief on-camera interview. He asked me a few questions about the program and how I feel about Leandro. I was so overwhelmed with emotions of happiness, excitement, fulfillment, pride...I told him that Leandro has changed my life for the better and I could never repay him for what he's done for me...and then I cried. And then I was dismissed. I changed back into my mom jeans and raced home to fetch my little boy. I left the studio feeling sad but looking forward to the live-taping of our group workout on Monday.

Friday was the first day in 65 days that I didn't go to a BBL-related class or appointment. I FEEL LOST. I feel like a little kid that got separated from the group on a field trip. I'm waiting for the teacher to find me so I can get back to my normal schedule. I wasn't prepared for how empty I would feel after this ended. I think it's a good sign that I would rather be exercising, but it's also a sign that I need to have a gym membership activated, group workouts/classes scheduled and my kitchen stocked with healthy foods so I don't feel like I'm in limbo like I do right now. Friday was also the last day of my daily meals. I felt so empty when I microwaved my rosemary chicken dinner, knowing it would be my last prepared meal from 5 Squares. We got the cookbook in our last delivery and I've vowed to start cooking from it right away.

Saturday started pretty good with my food choices; Protein shake for meal 1, egg white omelet for meal 2, chicken breast for meal 3...then I went to dinner with my husband. Here we are before we went out. God I make him look good right?

4.30.11 - Released into the wild and on my first post-test group outing with my hubby.

It was my first "off program" meal in 67 days (except for the birthday sushi in March) AND, my first drink(s). I gave up booze for the program and haven't had a drop to drink since February 20. Well, it was my anniversary and I celebrated as such. I had hoped to have no more than two glasses of wine - I failed. I had 1 cocktail, 3 glasses of wine and 2 glasses of champagne, spread over a time-frame of 5PM to 12AM. For dinner I ate an asparagus salad that was covered in a delicious dressing that I'm sure was not Leandro-approved. I had an equally delicious steak for dinner. I did NOT have dessert though. Does that count? Although the food was very rich, I ate smallish portions - left a lot on my plate. But the booze...killed me. I regret all those empty calories. I felt so crappy on Sunday. So I ate a bagel with lox spread for breakfast. Once you fall off the wagon, it's hard to drag your ass back onto it.And while my eating habits on Sunday weren't terrible after the bagel start, they weren't nearly as good as they have been with the ease of heating up fresh, healthy meals. I need to start cooking ASAP.

Okay, it's way past this mom's bedtime y'all. Tomorrow I'll tell you all about the live taping we did today. The final individual interviews are tomorrow and Wednesday. This is when we will privately be told our final measurement and given our "maintenance packages" and when they will reveal the winners of any and all prizes. I'm assuming they're doing this so they can film reactions to prizes. I'm still holding out hope for awesome news. It ain't over till the Butt Master says, "No more squats for you!"

Nighty night!

I Miss You

2011-05-01T20:29:00.000-04:00

5.1.11 - Sunday

Hi blog fans. I'm still alive. I'll be brief...because I'm tired and it's my anniversary so I need to get back to my hubby ASAP. I promise to write more tomorrow...

We have a live taping tomorrow. This will either be marketed as a "bonus" live workout or an extra feature on one of the Brazil Butt Lift videos. Either way, I get one more workout with the Butt Master! Also, all measurements and weightloss numbers will be tallied so prizes will be announced. I CAN'T WAIT!!

Gotta go. You want a picture? Here I am 7 years ago, today. Happy as a I am right now.

Bye y'all.

May 1, 2004

LAST CHANCE WORKOUT!

2011-04-27T06:49:00.000-04:00

4.27.11 - THE LAST GROUP WORKOUT

Okay, I totally stole that title from The Biggest Loser. How could I not? Today is afterall, THE LAST DAY! I cannot believe that 64 days flew by so fast. I feel sad, anxious, relieved...

Yesterday was our final weigh-in. My total weight loss since the February 15th photo shoot is....drum roll please....20.5 pounds!!! That's right, even with my Easter candy fumble, I lost 2.5 pounds last week. I'm now a fit mama at 143.5. YAY ME!! That's just 8.5 pounds away from Leandro's goal weight of 135. When he wrote that number on a Post-It and placed it over my thunder thighs on my "before" photo, I thought he was insane. Now there's no doubt in my mind that 135 is not only achievable, but totally reasonable. Believe you me, I have plenty of butt and thigh fat to lose to easily reach that goal. Don't get me wrong, I am at a point where I look and feel great in clothes. If I stay dedicated to fitness, I'll look great in a bathing suit. And that would be so very awesome. This is me last Wednesday:

4.20.11 - Sweaty lady, famously crooked legs, shrinking thighs.

Tomorrow is my 60-day photo shoot. Back to the bikini and the rotating turntable. I can't wait to show the production crew how far I've come! We'll be doing interviews and sound-bytes next Monday and Tuesday, at which time, we'll find out what our final measurements and potential prizes are. So, to answer the question you're all asking, NO, I don't know about the extension yet! It's killing me but sure as hell making me work hard this week. And by dangling the carrot until next week, I'm guaranteed to workout until interview day. Aren't they smart!?

I have to go. It's 6:45AM. Time to get my butt ready for the last day of school. Wish me luck!

Candy, Candy, Candy, I Can't Let You Go

2011-04-25T06:55:00.000-04:00

4.24.1 - Easter

Here's the thing - I love candy. Any kind will do. I love the sugar....

Today is Easter Sunday. For the past few weeks, I've managed to avoid coming into contact with a lot of Easter candy. This mostly meant avoiding the local drugstore holiday disays. For his Easter basket booty, I limited my son's Easter candy to one tiny box of Whopper eggs (my favorite), a big lollipop and a plastic egg with Starburst jelly beans. For our at-home egg hunt, I used plastic eggs with small toys inside of them. He loved the toys and I loved not having a ton of candy in the house.

Then we went to my mother-in-law's for Easter dinner. There was evil, tempting sugar at every turn. A three-tiered display tower filled with macaroons and candy. Not one, but two Easter baskets for my son. One from grandma, one from the same aunt that made the delicious macaroons. Grandma's basket is toddler's dream basket of sugary treats - jelly beans, chocolate eggs, more Whoppers, pastel M&Ms, Pez and those horrifying Peeps. There was another egg hunt - only this time the eggs were all filled with the aforementioned candy instead of non-delicious toys. Well, as much as I'd like to lie and say I resisted the urge to steal my son's candy, I WENT CRAZY. It was like I was in candy rehab and some bad friends from my old candy binging days sneaked a bunch of candy past the night nurse. Once I ate that first jelly bean, there was no stopping me. I hit the cookie tower too. Those macaroons never stood a chance. I think I ate four of them. I inhaled jelly beans and M&Ms and the Whoppers...there was no way those things were making it out alive.

I was okay when I first got there. It wasn't like I was unprepared. I knew grandma would have tons of candy, I knew I'd have to make sure my son didn't eat so much that he would puke. I just didn't know I'd need someone to monitor me so I wouldn't eat so much candy that I'd want to puke.. I needed a sponsor. I should have called Jessica or Leandro to tell them how much I wanted to stuff my face full of candy. Instead I told the voices in my head to take a hike, then proceeded to plow through the jelly beans and chocolate eggs like a newly released candy-prison inmate.

And now I feel disgusting. I lost all self-control. But it tasted so good at the time...

So what did I learn? I learned I need to be stronger around temptation and that will-power sometimes escapes me. I learned that my mother-in-law and I have very different definitions of "not that much" when describing the amount of candy that will be made available. I also learned that too many jelly beans, makes your taste buds numb.

Next year...I'll be Jewish for Easter.

Easter 2011: New shoes and a belly full of jelly beans

Don't Freeze Up Girl. You're Looking Quite A Sight.

2011-04-21T19:26:00.000-04:00

4.21.11 - "Sexy Thursday"

KILL ME NOW! That's how I felt when Leandro announced that today would be "Sexy Thursday". I played along on the Carnaval thing...twice. (Oh yeah, we had another "dress up like it's Carnaval" day last week.) This time, he wants us to wear "very little clothes to show your sexy new bodies". I almost immediately recoiled in horror. Enough with the super dancey classes! We're almost at the end and I need to really workout, not get all flustered trying to contort my awkward limbs all over the room! I did tell him that, while I now feel a thousand times better about my body than I did 8.5 weeks ago, I am not comfortable enough to workout with my belly or thighs exposed. When I lifted my shirt, he nodded in agreement...then we did extra ab work at the end of class.

Since our instructions for Sexy Thursday were to wear skimpy clothing, I chose my sexiest workout outfit. Oh yeah...drink it in.

What the hell do you want from me!? I have to be able to watch myself in the mirror and NOT want to vomit at the sight of myself gyrating like an epileptic stripper! This is my interpretation of "very little clothes". So there! I wore heavy make-up...that has to count for something.

The other girls in the class, the ones with flat bellies, no saddle bags and lots of self-confidence, got serious with the sexy outfits. There were bikinis, stripper heels, fish-net stockings and feather boas.

Check it out:

Oh sorry. Since I didn't ask anyone's permission to use their image, I have to protect myself from any litigious booty school peers. But take my word for it, people went all out with the sexy outfits. And I wore that hot pink boa...

This, like the two other all-dance classes before it, started sort of fun. But this time, Leandro's moves seemed faster and more complicated - to me. About 10 minutes into class, I moved myself from the front-row-center of the group, to the back-row-left...closest to the exit. This was often where I was positioned in group numbers during my musical theatre school dance classes. I was tall enough for the audience to see my smiling face, but be spared the pain of watching me attempt grace. Today was no exception. I quickly went from frustrated to angry. All I wanted was a good workout, but I just couldn't follow the routine and I became so frustrated that I just kind of gave up and shuffled in the general directions but wasn't really sweating or getting the hard cardio I wanted. Truthfully, I was on the verge of tears for most of the routine. The moves were more detailed and faster and I simply could not catch up.

Then things went from bad to worse.

Just when I thought I couldn't be more miserable, Leandro asks one of my fellow test subjects to teach us a chair-dance routine. Michelle is her name and she's awesomely fit, sexy, coordinated, comfortable in her own skin...everything I'm not. She also teaches a chair and pole-dance workout class, so she's kind of really good at it. She was great at teaching the steps - her banter with the class was great - and it was really fun watching her, but for me, this was intensely uncomfortable. Every insecurity I had/have about my body, came bubbling to the surface. I was already so frustrated by the routine with Leandro, that I just couldn't let go of that anger and cut loose. I felt just as awkward as I did in October of 1995 when I had to "audition" for the dance teachers at musical theater school so they could place us in our classes. I pleaded with them to just put me in the beginner level and spare me the humiliation of dancing in front of everyone when they already knew I had no prior experience. It was mortifying. Not unlike that day in 1995, my frustration and embarrassment brought me to tears.

I thought I was more secure now. Most of the time, I am. But for some reason, the pressure was too much today. I think one of the reasons is that, if this is my last week, I want to have the best, most intense workouts so that I end on a high note and feel more positive about the harsh reality that the hardest part of this journey begins, when this test group ends. Today, I felt like a complete failure. I had a terrible attitude and I feel like that attitude might have blown any chance of being selected for the extension month. I tried, but just couldn't turn it around.

Let's Get Physical

2011-04-17T13:14:00.000-04:00

How could I NOT use Olivia Newton-John's 1981 hit classic "Physical" as a blog title?!

So I thought I'd share some of the exercises from our class. Thanks to my classmate Michelle, I have photos! All of which were taken the week prior to my crippling back injury. So here goes.

Welcome to Rio!

Okay, I wouldn't call this one a favorite, but it sure does work those inner-thighs. I've got 15-pound weights on each ankle. You lie on your back, open your legs as far as you can, then close them only half-way. Do 100 of these, twice, and your inner-thighs will shrink in record time.

Welcome to Rio

Side-lunge glide with arm extension

This move is great for working the glute of the squatting leg and the inner-thigh of the extended leg. You use a Gliding Disc under the leg you're extending. It's super slippery so you really have to control the movement which works that thigh. You slowly extend the the leg with the glider, while going into a deep squat on the supporting leg. Extend you arms "Like a dancer!", as the Butt Master would say, simultaneously while extending your leg. Slowly slide your leg in and resist the movement using the muscles of your inner-thigh. I love this exercise because it feels really graceful, and I love looking in the mirror and seeing the definition in my shoulders when my arms are extended. If only my dance teachers from musical theater school could see me now. They'd say, "Why'd you have to suck so much you were my student?" Three sets of 30-reps on each leg should have you cracking walnuts with your thighs in no time.

Side lunge with Gliding Disc

Weighted leg lifts

Strap 15-20 pounds of weight on each ankle. Keep your hips square while you slowly raise your flexed foot to the ceiling. You must raise your knee above your butt. Do 25-30 reps per leg, then hold the movement and pulse for 30 reps. Do that three times on each leg. Stop complaining! Sculpted hammies don't just happen. You gotta work that ass!

Leg lifts with bent knee

Plank

On your elbows and toes. Flat back. Neck, back and hips in an even line. Hold the pose for a full minute. If your abs aren't on fire, you're either in really good shape and need to hold the pose longer, or you're doing it wrong and you need to adjust your form. Just posing for this picture for 15 seconds had me shaking like a scared puppy during a thunder storm.

Plank

Curtsy Lunge

I love the curtsy lunge! Really. It's such a great exercise for the outer-thigh and it's really graceful. Also, my grandmother used to make me curtsy when her hoity toity friends would come play Bridge so it reminds me of her and her bygone-era mannerisms.

So you cross-lunge one leg behind you, while squatting on the supporting leg - always making sure the knee is line with your ankle. Get a nice deep bend in that extended leg. This will really work the outer-thigh of the squatting leg. 30 reps, each leg, three times outta do it.

Curtsy lunge

These are just a few of the moves we do in booty school. The ones I felt most comfortable being photographed doing, that is.

You can see in the mirror that my booty and thighs, while vastly better than they were seven weeks ago, still have a ways to go. And that's where the cardio comes into play. These next 10 days are critical if I'm going to "win" the coveted extra month. I have to show Leandro and Beachbody that I deserve the extra time. My goal for next week is to add a minimum of 45 minutes of cardio to my workout every day till the last day - April 27. I already know I'll look a thousand times better in my 60-day photos than I did in my first-day photos. But one more month of strength-training combined with cardio will shed the extra fat I have and make for some unbelievable 90-day photos. Whatever the outcome, I am already a new person as a result of this experience and I will keep going with or without the Butt Master's tutelage.

Tomorrow is the start of my last full week of booty school. Only EIGHT workouts with Leandro until (a) final photoshoots or (b) I find out I get another month of booty camp. Either way, no back injury is keeping me from kicking ass for the next 10 days. Wish me luck!

If We Couldn't Laugh, We Would All Go Insane

2011-04-17T11:38:00.000-04:00

4.17.11 - Sunday

Well, I survived Saturday at the ball park! It was an 80th birthday party for my aunt-in-law, so her kids rented a private suite - which is officially the only way I want to attend any sporting event going forward - that included endless (literally) hot dogs, fried chicken strips, pizza, chips & dip, Caesar salad and non-alcoholic beverages. The booze had to be purchased, and believe you me, the beer cart dude made many trips to our suite. I did not find myself craving the beer at all. It was the food that killed me. The pizza - thankfully - looked pretty bad. Like freezer-section pizza. I wasn't at all tempted by it. The chicken strips looked so good. Crunchy fried outer shell. White meat inside. Honey mustard dip. The old Alison would have put two or three of those bad boys away. But the really tempting food, was the hot dogs. I'm drooling as I type. We had one of those convenience store hot dog rotisserie things, complete with, sauerkraut, condiments and Wonder brand hot dug buns. Oh my lord, I wanted TWO (okay three) hot dogs. One with mustard only. One with kraut. It was so torturous to eat my sensible serving of tilapia while watching those delectable, Hebrew National 1/4 pound all-beef franks slowly rotate in my periphery. Glistening sirens in the distance. Just one bite Alison. Just one bite....


Hot dog vs. Tilapia

I wanted to prepare myself for this experience so I researched some of the Yankee stadium fare before I went into the line of fire. Every time I glanced over at the hot dog rotisserie, I reminded myself that those tempting little treats that go down so quickly, had 33 grams of fat each! 13 of which are saturated fat grams. The recommended average daily fat intake, based a 2000 calorie diet, is 65 grams (20 grams of saturated fat). The 360 calories per frank seem like nothing if you're only counting calories, but the fat content probably would have made me queasy. My husband ate three (possibly four) dogs and I'm pretty sure he'll need heart bypass surgery later today. So I ate my little meals and drank tons of water and pushed through the temptation. Mostly by avoiding eye contact with the hot dog station.

Then the damn cake came.

I knew there would be cake, but I didn't know it would be Carvel ice cream cake! I thought my sweet tooth was supposed to be suppressed after 53 days of clean eating. Damn you Butt Master! Damn your lies! Oh god, it looked so good. Chocolate ice cream with those cookie crunchies. I had to help feed my son his serving. I wanted to snatch the bowl and run down the hall to a dark corner and gorge. But I didn't.

One of cousins-in-law kept telling me how impressed he was that I "so strong" around the food. The thing is, it's so much easier to exercise willpower when you're surrounded by people that know you're a test subject in an exercise experiment. Of course I'm not going to slip up in public! It's the moments at home, when no one's watching, that it's excruciatingly hard to behave. I don't expect that ever gets easy. That's why 85% of dieters gain their weight back after reaching a goal. It's your behavior over the course of your lifetime that dictates your success. That's why I have no deadlines or goals per say. Yeah sure, I want to get to a certain weight/size and maintain it, but I don't have a "lose 25 pounds by April 27th" deadline. Any time I've started a program with a "get there by summer" deadline, I reach my goal, and then come Fall, I'm working my way back up to a dress size with the word teen in it. I'm through with that.

Another reason it was so "easy" to behave was because it was the first time, since starting Leandro's program, that I had seen most of these in-laws and they were so supportive and congratulatory. This was the first big gathering since I started booty school and it felt awesome to hear the "oh my gods" and "you look amazings". I spend all week with my fellow test subjects and my family at home so I'm pretty insulated from the outside world. I am constantly comparing myself to the girls in class and only focusing on how much work still needs to be done, rather than taking a moment to celebrate how far I've come. It was such a boost of confidence to have my husband's family tell me how proud they are. Those are the moments when it's absolutely worth every second of sweat and pain I choose over hot dogs and beer. Plus, a lot of them have been reading my blog and were so genuinely interested in everything I'm doing. My mother-in-law told me I inspire her and she has now lost 20 pounds. I can't tell you how good it made me feel to hear such praise and to know that I'm an inspiration to others. This whole time, I've been pulling inspiration from the people I've met through Beachbody and Leandro's camp. I love the idea that people could be inspired by me.

Both of my brothers-in-law are pretty fit, and it was really great to talk about the exercises we all do. Comparing notes and learning from each other. One of them told me he traded the elliptical for the stair climber after I told him how much more intense the cardio, quad and glute workout is. The other brother-in-law is training for the Tough Mudder in Vermont. I'm so excited to hear how he does and if he even finishes. He's young and fit, but it's an insanely difficult race with all sorts of obstacles. Kind of a strongman-contest-meets-triathlon-meets-Japanese game show. I'm intrigued. Could I do one of those one day? Never say never.

Yesterday I wore a pair of jeans that as of February 15, I could not pull past my thighs. I mean they barely got above my knee caps. Now, they're the only jeans I have that aren't baggy. That feeling is a thousand times better than a slice of ice cream cake...

4.16.11

I'm Still Standing (Yeah, Yeah, Yeah)

2011-04-16T07:56:00.000-04:00

4.16.11 - Saturday

Who doesn't love vintage 80s Elton John?

Hey y'all. I had a shittastic week in booty school, thanks to my lower back injury, but at least I attended, was able to participate using very low-impact, modified moves and I'm still upright! Which I suppose is testament to the strength I've built over the past 53 days...or to my stupidity.

Check out my sexy lumbar corset:

Friday - 4.15.11

No, I don't wear it in class. I wear it before and after class, then I shove an ice pack from my food cooler into it so I'm iced on the train ride home. Clever right? When I get home, I stretch more, alternate heat and ice and try to prevent further damage.

Friday was the best workout day, as I was feeling the most limber. It was cardio and unlike the previous four days in class, I actually broke a sweat. After I post this, I'll attempt one of Leandro's DVDs. I had hoped to run outside but am afraid that might be too hard on the old tailbone.

Gotta run. I have to workout then get my family ready for a baseball game at Yankee stadium. Yep, I get to spend the day surrounded by delicious ballpark food that I can't eat, beer that I can't drink and drunk baseball fans. Lucky me.

Just 11 more days to go...

The Drugs Don't Work. They Just Make You Worse.

2011-04-12T17:22:00.000-04:00

4.12.11 - Tuesday

Well shit! I made it through six weeks of booty school and didn't have any real pain issues. Then came the start of week seven. Yesterday I woke up feeling a little soreness in my lower back, but since I've had much worse back pain, I thought nothing of it and went about getting ready for class. I figured I might be a little sore because we took our son to the carnival the day before and I rode the giant slide with him. It was a little bumpy on my backside. But so much fun.

Evil slide...

You see, I had an MRI in 2003 that revealed two herniated discs in my lower back. I've had several stints in physical therapy over the past few years, and I am able to manage my injury well. Once a year or so, I "throw out my back" which usually means I can't walk for a couple of days and I have to get a prescription for a 6-day steroid pill that usually clears up the inflammation and buys me another year. I only get the drugs if I'm paralyzed. I hate the way they make me feel - dry-mouthed, irritable, ANGRY. My back issues are one of the key reasons that staying fit is so important to me. I've been told that I can avoid surgery if I stay in shape and don't let my weight balloon.

Yesterday's class was an all-weight class. I started the cardio warm-up and felt okay. Then it was time to get the weights. I knew the second I picked up the first dumbbell. People with back problems know what I'm talking about. That moment you know...if you don't stop now, you're in big trouble. But did I stop? NO! I did two sets of squats with 30 pounds of weight, two sets of traveling lunges with 30 pounds of weights and two sets of split-squats with 30 pounds of weights. During the third set of traveling lunges, I said to Jessica, "I am really feeling this in my lower back." But what I should have said is, "I'm about to be a paraplegic!"

I put my weights down, but continued the traveling lung series. Jessica could see that I was grimacing so she pulled me off the line and told me to roll my back with the trusty foam roller. (By the way, everyone should have a foam roller. It's a must-have for the active.)

Foam roller

So I rolled my back for a little while, then I did another set of squats and lunges without weights. At this point, I'm in tears. I was in serious pain, frustrated that my body was defeating me and really tired from a night of crappy sleep. The emotions boiled to the surface and I started sobbing. All I could think is, "Not now! I've made it so far..." There was no way I could do the leg lifts with weights, so Jessica and Leandro sent me home. They were both so kind. Leandro hugged me and told me to get a massage. Hey, when The Butt Master says "get a massage", you go get a damn massage! I hobbled to my local Chinese massage parlor for a 30-minute lower-back rub. Then I came home, ate ibuprofen like it was candy and laid on the floor with a heating pad for the rest of the day while my sweet little boy rotted in front of the television. I felt terrible. Especially since it was such a beautiful day yesterday. My plan was to take him in the jogging stroller for a post-class run in the park. Damn.

I went to bed early and prayed to every god in the heavens that I would be all better today. No dice. I woke up sore, stiff, but walking. 800 milligrams of ibuprofen and a few stretches later, I decide to go to class. Today was a cardio class so I knew I could modify movements and keep things relatively painless. I was okay for most of the class, but skipped the heavy ankle weights in favor of super light weights for the leg lift series. Better than nothing.

When I got home, I dug out my old lumbar corset and will be sporting it till the bitter end of booty school. It's oh so very chic. It looks like this:


Lumbar corset

Only mine has some lovely sweat stains from the time I had to wear it during the summer. Nice.

There is some good news however; Today was weigh-in day. I lost another pound and am now at 146! That's a 17-pound loss for this hefty gal!! So this week doesn't totally suck...

I'm Only Human. Of Flesh and Blood, I'm Made.

2011-04-06T22:41:00.000-04:00

4.6.11 - Wednesday

Hey there and happy hump day everybody! My son is sleeping, my husband is at our condo board meeting and I am sipping my Tazo "relax" tea while counting the seconds till my eyelids slam shut. Life is sweet.

This week is going really well. Monday's class was terrific! We used Bosu stability balls for awesome core and arm exercises. Unlike previous stability balls I've used, these had sand in them so they were weighted. From a standing position, we held them straight out in front of our chests, then squatted, then lifted them above our heads while moving to a standing position. When we hoisted the ball up, the sand spun around the inside of the ball. I felt like I was rehearsing for Cirque du Soleil.

My arms and shoulders were throbbing, but it was so fun and different so I never felt like I was working out. Then we put the ball on the floor behind us, held a 15-pound wight to our chests, squatted onto the ball, leaned all the way, draping the ball, then came up slowly for a killer ab stretch.

After the ball fun, it was time for the squat, split-squats, alternating lunges series - times three. All while holding 30-pounds of weights. At least I knew what to expect. Going forward, Monday, Wednesday and Friday will be weights, while Tuesday and Thursday will be cardio. All five days will have a mat series with ankle weights, however. Our ankle weights are up to 13 pounds each now. We're told they'll be increased to 20! Holy sore butt Batman! After class, I ran for 20 minutes before I had to scurry back to my real life as mom.

Tuesday, for whatever reason, was weigh-in day. ONE MORE POUND means I'm at 148! That's 16 pounds lost, with exactly three more weeks to go.

Before Tuesday's class, Leandro asks us to gather for an announcement. He's really serious and this makes me nervous. I thought he was going to eliminate some of us. Right there in public. Oh my god. Not like this. Please Butt Master, not like this! But instead he tells us that he read our weekly journals yesterday and he noticed that many of us commented that he was "cranky" last week. Oh, sorry about that, but you were kinda cranky last Tuesday and we're supposed to be honest in our journals right? He sweetly apologizes to anyone that took his mood personally (which I never do, I mostly hate disappointing him) and then tells us about some deeply personal things that are going on in his life that he's had trouble separating from when he's teaching. It was so kind of him to open up and share a bit of his personal life with us. He didn't owe us any explanation but it made us all take a step back and see that beneath the toned exterior, Leandro is just as susceptible to human emotions as we are. I wanted to scoop him up and sing him a lullaby. It was a beautiful moment between teacher and students and it set a great tone for our class. It really was brave of him to show his softer side and his vulnerability. Just when I thought I couldn't love the Butt Master any more, he goes and acts all human and pulls me in even closer...

Tuesday's cardio class was awesome! The energy in the room was so positive. It was my best cardio class yet. He kept it a little more dancey and fun, and I was blissfully drenched in sweat by the end. The one move I really hate though, is the one called "shake your booty". We have to stand on our toes and move our arms like we're banging a drum - Rio style I suppose. Then we proceed to, you guessed it, shake our bootys. I hate this because it makes me hyper-aware of exactly how much jiggle my booty is capable of, and it feels a bit like I'm one of those girls in a sexuality explicit rap video. It's not a good look for the jiggly white girl in the Target workout shorts.

I feel like my ass is this big when we do "shake your booty"...

Despite the humiliation of that one move, the class was great. I was so revved up when I finished. I raced to picked up my son from school, then came home and did another 45-minute cardio workout. Without the booty shake...

Wednesday:

Leandro was so energetic and spirited today. He obviously feels so much better having cleared the air. His spark is back. Before class he says, "In one week, you're gonna see a big change in your legs and your bum bum." Oh lord, that must mean he's really going to start torturing us now. And he did. Oooo eeee! Today was tough! We did weights today so I knew to expect three rounds of the same squat, split-squat, lunge series. But I didn't know in addition to our usual 15-pound dumbbells, we'd also be wearing our ankle weights. OUCH! Every part of my butt hurts! But every time I looked in the mirror and saw definition beneath the dimples, I pushed a little harder. Man, what a great feeling it is to kill a workout like that! I got 20 minutes of treadmill time - 10 minutes of sideways gallops and 10 minutes of running - then I had to run like wind to make my son's 12:30 pick up.

Tomorrow's a cardio day. I can't wait. Really.

Nighty night!

The Thought That Life Could Be Better Is Woven Indelibly Into Our Hearts And Our Brains

2011-04-04T21:23:00.000-04:00

4.4.11 - Monday

Hi there. I got my 30-day photos today. And even though I said I wouldn't post them, I did.

Wanna see?

Okay, here you go:

Halfway through my buttastic journey!

You didn't think I was going to post a crystal clear picture did you? That would ruin the suspense!

So if you're going by dates, it's really a 41-day photo, but the actual workouts didn't begin until February 23rd, so it's technically a 34-day photo...but who's counting!? Not bad for 34 days right? I'm pretty happy with my results so far. The thing that sucks is, a lot of the girls in my group are model/dancer/actress-types that came into the program looking pretty good already. Like, they weren't in the "needs to lose weight" category. So after class, everyone is comparing pictures and they're all, "my butt is so much more lifted" blah blah blah. I'm all, "My pregnancy flap is almost gone..."

I know, I know, I'm not supposed to compare myself to tall, thin models in their 20s, who have never given birth. And I really am proud of the work I've done, but man I wish I started with less body fat! Oh well, the pictures are a great motivation tool and a reminder of what I'm capable of if I push myself. It's also a reminder of the direction I want to continue traveling.

Here's the thing, I can see into the future. I know exactly what my body will look like as I age, if I don't exercise. That crystal ball, is MY MOTHER. From the neck down, I am the spitting image of my mom. From our delicately thin wrists and ankles, to our flat, narrow feet, ample but dimply backsides and bulging saddle bags. When I was kid, my mom was always relatively slim. She wasn't into fitness, but she maintained a slim figure. She's gained more weight, as women often do, with age. We both carry weight in our lower belly, hips and thighs. We both have skinny, crooked legs that go in at the knees. We both have wide, flat butts. So, I know exactly what I can expect to look like at 45, 55, 65 etc. if I choose not to exercise.

Here I am at 35 with the 65-year-old ghost of Alison's unfit body future.


My mother, myself.

Don't worry, I told my mom I was blogging about her, and that she probably wouldn't like the post. She knows she's lumpy. And for every person that says, "I'm just built like my mom", I say, your genes don't make you fat; YOU DO. My mom gains weight because she eats too much and doesn't consistently exercise. I got fat because I ate and drank too much, not because my mom's genes dictated my destiny. I don't have to look like my mom when I'm 65. I can look like Helen Mirren if I want to.

Helen Mirren: Active senior

And for that matter, so can my mom. She just has to decide that eating an entire bag of peanut M&Ms is not healthy for her body. Or, she has to exercise for two solid hours after she eats that bag of M&Ms. Trust me mom, you really want to go with choice A.

I'm working so hard to change the way I think about food. I'm tempted to cheat every minute of every day. The first thing I did when this experiment started was rid my house of most temptation. Because I have a toddler, I have staples like mac & cheese, peanut butter etc., but for the most part, my house is a junk-food free zone. When I am tempted to eat a huge spoonful of peanut butter, I stop and think about (a) how hard I've worked, not only in Leandro's class, but for the year it took me to lose 39 pounds on my own and (b) about the way it'll make me feel after I swallow those 16 grams of fat - that's if I stop after one tablespoon. Cheating no longer feels satisfying to me. It makes me feel guilty and it makes me feel like I'm hurting my body. Peanut Butter isn't the worst thing I could eat, but let's say I had a hankering for McDonald's fries. Sure, they'd taste so good going down, but I've really come to care about what I'm doing to my body when I eat crap food. I use 93 octane fuel in my car. Why wouldn't I fuel my body with the best food available as well? Changing habits is harder than losing weight, but it's the only way to ensure long-term success. And it's a challenge every single day.

For some reason there are a lot of really fit parents at my son's school. I've come to know a few of them. One mom is 47 and a marathon runner. But get this, she only started running about 15 years ago. She's 5' 7" and used to consistently weigh 165 pounds. Then somewhere around age 31, she started running with a group of friends and fell in love with it. Recently she ran the Philly marathon and is now gearing up for another half-marathon. She now weighs 140 pounds, and has for the last 15 years. She is a "momspiration" to me. The last time we spoke, she said, "Don't ever let anyone tell you you can't reach a goal weight and maintain. It's not easy, but if it's your life, you'll never go back to your old body." Since I started this journey, I've found a great network of local moms that stay active and fit and are so supportive of my efforts. It's important to me to maintain these positive relationships as I prepare to enter the real world. One of my local mom aquaintances started her own boot camp for moms called Move It Momma. I plan to join her classes, maybe even see if she wants an apprentice. If there's one issue I'm intimately familiar with, it's being a fat mom that desperately wants to change. What better way for me to keep my momentum than by using what I've learned to help other moms like me? That's paying it forward...

Too Much Information Running Through My Brain

2011-04-03T20:48:00.000-04:00

4.3.11 - Sunday

Wednesday morning, Lara, the head honcho from the NYC Beachbody office came to talk about our 30-day results, important upcoming dates, potential prizes and to give us a pep talk as we head into the remaining few weeks of our booty-lifting experiment. By the way, we had our 30-day photoshoot last week, which was my 3rd time in my ever-so-flattering Target bikini. Tomorrow we'll be getting a printout of our 1st and 30-day photos; A way to keep us motivated during the final phase of our transformation. I'm actually looking forward to seeing my photos. I can look in the mirror and see that I've changed, but having a photo will certainly help me push harder when I'm feeling beat. And no, I will not be posting said picture...until the end. Sorry people, I'm just not ready for you to see what lies beneath the spandex just yet.

The first thing Lara discusses are important dates. We learn that our last workout will be Wednesday, April 27. This is one day earlier than the date on the calendars we were given on our first day. I am immediately in panic mode. I am in no way ready for this to end and now I have to face the reality that it's almost over.

But the upside is, for the last week and half, our class will be an hour and half instead of an hour. At least we get to go out with a an exhausting bang. So we lose one day, but get eight 90-minute classes. Pretty good consolation prize in my book. She also tells us that for the last week of class, we may elect to go back on the "6-day Supermodel Slimdown" diet that we were on during our first six days of class. Hmm, let me see, 90-minute workouts for eight days and a daily food restriction of 1000 calories worth of bland "green and whites"... NO THANKS! As it is now, we only get about 1200 calories a day; I'll need the extra 200-300 calories to have energy for those longer workouts and still survive the rest of my day after class. I understand that some people will want to lose as much as possible for the purposes of being chosen for an infomercial, but I need the extra fuel and I believe that sticking with my current diet is the healthier choice. There is no finish line for me so I don't care if I'm not svelte enough for the infomercial. I understood from the beginning that I might not be chosen to appear on-camera.

Lara also told us about potential prizes that will be awarded to the biggest losers, or in some cases, gainers...of a butt that is. It's all vague but exciting. She says there might be a jean shopping spree, a trip to Miami, cash prizes, Beachbody products etc. But then she dangles the golden carrot. The prize I really, really want: ONE MORE MONTH WITH LEANDRO! Oh please pick me, please please please pick me! It's not a definite but if this were to happen, the winner would get one more month of training and food delivery. The only difference would be that we would go to Leandro's private studio instead of the gym. His studio is very small so I can't imagine that he'll choose more than 5 girls for this. Leandro says that he would pick people that have worked very hard and followed the diet, but still have body fat to lose (ME!). This is music to my ears! It would be perfect for me; I will definitely still have fat pounds to lose when the program ends on April 27. If I had another month, I could continue to work those pounds off, but also gradually integrate my old life and new lifestyle. Meaning, I would still follow the diet plan and continue to eat the meals, but I could eat out on a Saturday night, maybe have a glass of wine, but enjoy in moderation and slowly be reintroduced to "normal life", rather than just being tossed out into the streets on April 27th. Left to my own devices. No Leandro to pat my saddle bags and tell me to push harder. No Jessica high-fiving me after my perfect squats. No Monica making me delicious meals, seven days a week. I am honestly terrified at the thought of this ending so abruptly. Terrified. The extra four weeks would be a great ease-in month. Not to mention the continued progress I would make on my body's transformation from flab to fab!

When Lara asks for a show of hands from those of us interested in the third month, EVERY girl in the room raised their hand. What kills me is, Leandro clearly said he'd pick the people that still needed to lose weight. Some of these girls didn't have weightloss needs to begin with - they just had flat or droopy butts! Yet, every hand flew into the air. I heard one girl (spazzy dancer girl) saying that she really needs the extra time to get down to her goal weight. SHE STARTED THE PROGRAM ALREADY FIT! Her belly is flat. Thanks to the last 37 days with Leandro, her butt looks great. I wanted to strangle her and tell her to be happy with her awesome body, thank Leandro for her newly awesome ass and move the hell on so my 22" thighs can work with The Butt Master for four more weeks! I later found out that she also goes to his 2-hour class two nights a week. I think that's overkill, but she's 12 years younger than I am, has no family to care for and can nap during the day, so who am I to judge if she wants to compulsively exercise all day? My maternal side feels concerned for her outrageously distorted self-image. Bless her heart, maybe she's got Body Dysmorphic Disorder.

My competitive side just wants to punch her in her perfect face. Because she's in her early 20s, she has no idea how much harder it will be to get in shape when she's at my advanced age! Just give this to me and go and live your life in your perfect body with your perfect porcelain skin and your flat, stretch-mark-free belly! Self-image is totally subjective I suppose. I'd love to look like spazzy dancer girl. Someone else in my class might love to look like me. Someone with low standards that is...

So, while I hope that I'll be one of the lucky few chosen for the extra month, I will proceed as if my last day is April 27. That's exactly three and half weeks from tomorrow. I've got 25 days to come to a place of peaceful acceptance about the end of this experiment, and the beginning of a life lived healthier and happier. And it scares the hell out of me.

And Then There's All That Weight to Be Lost

2011-04-02T15:24:00.000-04:00

3.30.11 -Wednesday

(Yeah, yeah, I'm posting this on a Saturday, but I started writing in on Wednesday, so IT'S WEDNESDAY!)

First things first, I feel better today. I'm tired but not as pissy as yesterday. In case you were wondering...

The 30-day stats are in! My weightloss total since the Feb. 15th photoshoot is 15 pounds. My body fat went from 27% to 16%. I've lost a total of 10.5 inches. These inches come from my chest, arms, waist, hips and lower thighs. To my extreme disappointment, I haven't lost one stinking inch from my upper thighs. How can that be?! After 30 days of intense cardio, squats, lunges, sideways gallops on the treadmill, 15-pound ankle weights and extra cardio at home, those bitches are still holding steady at 22" each. I can hear my saddle bags laughing at me every time I cram myself into my workout gear. Of course the second Jessica read out that number, my eyes filled with tears. She looks like she wants to strangle me and assures me that I'm not a freak of nature. She says, "You didn't gain it overnight; You're not going to lose it overnight. It takes a minute!" She told me that part of the leg takes longer to start losing inches...blah blah blah. This is only mildly reassuring.

And even though I said, I'd NEVER do it, here I am wearing spandex shorts. With my 22" thighs and all!

3/30/2011 - 15 pounds and 10.5" inches down!

Class was BRUTAL! I think Leandro is getting anxious about the end because he's really amping up the weights and reps. Today was an all-weight class. We are only allowed to use 15-pound dumbells - though, I decided to drop to 12-pound weights during some of the sets when I felt I was compromising my form. Leandro doesn't like it but I'd rather get the form right than risk injury in the name of heavier weights. We did a series of squats, split-squats (one leg behind us on the step) and lunges - all for 30 to 40 reps; Then we repeated the entire series three times. My legs are throbbing when we complete the three circuits. After that, we go to the mat for the inner-thigh series, wearing 15-pound ankle weights. We lie on our backs, legs straight up and all the way open and do 100 inner-thigh pulls...TWICE. Leandro calls this "Welcome to Rio". I don't know what's going on in Rio, but if 200 painful inner-thigh stretches is how they welcome you, I don't want to visit.

Because there was no cardio today, I am responsible for doing cardio homework. I got home, took my bike out of storage and bundled up my son for a 6.5 mile bike ride in the park. What the hell was I thinking?! It was so cold and windy, and the hill at the top of the park - with a 42-pound kid on the back of the bike - almost killed me. But I did it twice.

That's it for now. I have to do my Saturday exercise before I lose momentum. Bye y'all.

I'm Beat, I'm Torn. Shattered and Tossed and Worn.

2011-03-29T13:25:00.000-04:00

3.29.11 - Tuesday

No butts about it, today just sucked. I simply did not have "it" today. I felt half-asleep and two steps behind for the entire hour. My attitude was pretty awful too. I don't know why; I'm not premenstrual or even menstrual for that matter. I just felt...off. Today was an all-cardio day, so that didn't help matters. Plus, Leandro was a little cranky. He had to correct my arms for the billionth time. You know that lump in your throat when you want to cry? Yep, I got a little weepy during the side-lunge-knee-up series. What the hell is wrong with me?

After the cardio, we took to the mats for the ankle weighted leg series. We did all new moves today, including a brutal "corkscrew" movement designed to target the saddle bag. Ouch!! I know I did that one correctly, because I got a "very good Alison" from Leandro. Plus, my saddle bags now have their own pulse.

Maybe part of my melancholy stems from the reality that we are exactly halfway through the program and I have to come to terms with the inevitable end of this awesome experience. I'm also a little blue because my son is back to his normal schedule so I'm once again, racing home immediately after class instead of getting the extra hour at the gym after class that I got during his spring break camp last week. It's ass cold outside so I can't take him for a run in the park. I can do a cardio DVD at home, but it's just not the same.

I need to stay focused and up my game for the remaining few weeks. Everyone has a bad day. I just have such high expectations given my success so far. Hopefully, a good night's sleep will make all the difference.

Maybe I just need a good cry...

A lot of you have been complaining that I haven't posted enough pictures of myself. So here I am with The Butt Master on Friday, 3/25/11. I've shaved FOUR inches off that waist!!

I'll Find Strength in Pain. And I Will Change My Ways.

2011-03-27T15:47:00.000-04:00

3.27.2011 - Sunday

Yesterday was my 36th birthday. I'm not one of those girls that gets all weird about getting older. In fact, I've rather enjoyed my 30s. Yeah sure, I'd like my 20-year-old face and skin, but I sort of like getting older because my story gets better with age. I always find my birthdays exciting. This birthday is particularly special because, at 36-years-old, I am in the best shape of my life. And it's only getting better!

Since I started booty school, I feel better about myself than I have...ever. I also really believe in myself for once. I am historically the queen of self-doubt. The past 33 days have changed the way I perceive myself and my abilities. I've allowed the negative opinion I have of myself to be the catalyst for self-sabotage throughout my adulthood. One example is my failed pursuit of an acting career in my early 20s. I never truly believed that I would be successful...so I made sure I wasn't by barely trying and then ultimately, giving up. And while I am the one person in control of my thoughts and actions, I admit that I have let the opinions of negative people in my life affect my decisions as well. You see, when a gal already doesn't believe in herself, it's really easy for the Debbie Downers of the world to perpetuate the idea that failure is your only guarantee.

One great thing about getting older and, I'd like to think, wiser, and gaining a little self-confidence on the way, is that you start to realize that those people need you to be miserable because they are themselves miserable. I've been there. I've been the angry, jealous "friend" that felt resentful of a much happier friend, simply because she was happy and enjoying success. It's not a side of myself that I'm proud of, but at least I can recognize and admit it. I hated her, because I hated myself.

But one day, you wake up and say, "Negative people suck. I LIKE ME! I don't have time in my life for people who don't." This really can't happen until you start to love and believe in yourself. Problem is, when you're not happy, you tend to be a magnet for other unhappy people. When you're happy...you get the idea. I know I can't live in the past, but I hate like hell that I've wasted so much energy caring about the opinions of self-loathing, negative ninnies. Hopefully 36 is the age you really stop caring about "those people" so you can concentrate on yourself and the people that have always loved you, even when you didn't love yourself.

Here are a few my my favorite quotes uttered by my very own collection of Debbie Downers when I embarked on my booty-lifting journey:

"You'll never be able to maintain when this is over." We'll just see about that Nancy Negative.
"You can't lose 20 pounds in 8 weeks." It's actually 9.5 weeks, but I've already lost 15 pounds and I've got 33 days to go.
"Saddle bags are just a part of YOUR body. You'll always have them." This frienemy hates it when I feel good about myself.
"How is your husband handling this?" I wasn't diagnosed with stage 4 cancer! What's to handle?
"Even if you don't make it through the program, it's cool you got in." Read: I don't think you'll get through the entire 65 days.
"It's absurd to think you'll ever weigh 135 pounds." Women hating women.
"You'll look anorexic when this is over." Someone really missed the point.

Once again people, I'm not trying to look like this:

or this:

I'm trying to look like THIS:

Lean and toned...

I know that I can't change the opinions of the Doubting Thomases in my life, but I can absolutely change the way their opinions affect me. I believe with all of my heart and soul that I can and will look like the girl in that third picture. April 29th is not my deadline for achieving this goal. April 29th is simply the end date of this program. I can and will maintain the weight and inches lost during this program. I can and will continue to work hard until I reach my goal. I can and will eat clean and healthy foods, and exercise until the day I drop dead.

When this is over, I will go back to my "normal" life, but I will be a stronger person - physically and mentally. And of course I'll enjoy myself...in moderation. My husband's aunt make the world's best margaritas and you can bet your ass I'll be enjoying one poolside come July. But the difference this year - and forever - is that I'll only have one (maybe 2), and I will know when to stop filling my body with empty calories and go back to my bottle of water.

I can't describe how healthy I feel after 33 days of clean eating and exercise. It's unbelievably satisfying to look in the mirror and see the changes in my body and my complexion and to feel so empowered. This is the way I want to live my life. This is the way I WILL live my life.

The only person that can guarantee my success or failure, is ME.

Sisters Are Doin' It For Themselves

2011-03-24T21:02:00.000-04:00

3.24.11 - Thursday

Perhaps the most important point of this experience, is that it is completely MINE. The second I walk into the gym, I'm not mom, wife, housekeeper, chauffeur...I'm just Alison. And I am completely unapologetic when I say that while I'm in class, the only person, place or thing I think about is me. Yeah sure, my house is not as tidy as I'd like it to be and I'm not getting a lot of the other "to-do" list stuff done, but who cares? This project is only 65-days long and I can clean my house in May. And while my husband may not love that my enrollment in booty school means that I go to bed at 9PM every night, and often don't make his dinner because (a) I'm exhausted and (b) I can't eat anything I make for him, he too will survive till May. He can channel his inner-bachelor and eat soup from a can if he's desperate. Or, like he did tonight, get a delivery from one of the many fine restaurants in our neighborhood. (Burrito...I want a burrito...) Or, here's a crazy idea, MAKE YOUR OWN DAMN DINNER! And please, for the love of God, rinse your dishes when you're finished. Crusty egg salad is nearly impossible to scrape off the bowl after it dries!

Don't get me wrong, I mostly love being a housewife, and I would never trade it for my former job as a corporate secretary. But in the three-and-a-half years I've had my stay-at-home mom job, no one has ever walked into my house and complimented the cleanliness of my toilets or how nicely my son's laundry was folded. It feels wonderful to be doing something for me, about me, for a better me. And while I don't see myself exercising at this intensity, six or seven days a week, for the rest of my life, I absolutely see myself continuing to make time for the care and upkeep of my body and mind. And I will not apologize for wanting to do so. The old adage "you have to make time for exercise" is so true. Every person has time to exercise. When I was topping the scales at nearly 200 pounds, I found that time at 6AM, and that was my time-slot for two years until I started booty school. So stop making excuses and move your ass! I'm talking to you!

I went into this project with two objectives: lose more weight and get toned. But it's become so much more than a crazy fitness experiment. I'm actually - I can't believe I'm about to say this - starting to LIKE exercise. Crazy right?! I don't so much like it while it's happening. Like when we're on 65 of 100 inner-thigh pulls and I feel like all the muscles in my legs will snap in half...that, I don't like. But, the second class is over, I'm on this amazing high. There's something so satisfying about completing an intense workout. Now I get it; exercise makes you feel really good about yourself! EPIPHANY! I'm seriously having anxiety about my life after this is over. What will I do next? Train for a marathon? Join that cultish Cross-Fit thing? Become a personal trainer? Start an underground booty school for stay-at-home moms in my apartment? The possibilities are endless!

I'm learning so much about myself and my capabilities. At 36-years-old (almost), I never imagined I was capable of this level of fitness. I wake up excited for class every day. What will we do today? Weights? Cardio? Both? Bring it on Butt Master! The greatest part about this week is that my son's school is having a Spring Break camp, which means he stays later, which means, I get to stay at the gym and workout after class. Did you read that correctly? I'm sincerely jazzed about having been able to workout for two solid hours every day this week! What has come over me?!

I am just loving this experience! I simply cannot believe the changes in my body over the past 30 days, and I fully embrace the challenge of the remaining 35 days. I believe I can do anything Leandro wants me to do. And that feeling is priceless.

8:54PM...time for bed. Night y'all.

Changes In Latitudes, Changes In Attitudes

2011-03-21T18:40:00.000-04:00

3.21.11 - Monday: Weigh-in Day

Never let it be said that I have no team spirit. Here's my Brazilian costume. Got the shirt from the boys department at my local sporting goods store. A big shout-out to my pal Sherri for schooling me in the ways of the cut-away t-shirt. I was able to jazz up my look with some party beads and a festive mask. So freaking doofy, but at least I participated right?!

Ready to rock it Carnaval style.

Well...I DID IT!!!! I finally weigh less than 150 pounds! Okay, I'm 149, but the big weight on the scales is officially on 100! I haven't weighed less than 150 since the mid-nineties - and that was only because I had a crush on this hippie that was obsessed with tall, skinny models, so I regularly ate laxatives with hopes of garnering his attention. What? You didn't do stupid stuff in your 20's? Glass houses...

I've lost 15 pounds so far! This is a major milestone and a pivotal turning point in my booty school experiment. I almost cried when I realized that I achieved this major goal. I got double high-fives and hugs from Jessica and Leandro. Leandro is so proud of me. I am so proud of me! Then, without missing a beat, Leandro tells me that I have to use my excitement as energy to push even harder. Can't you just be give me this moment Butt Master!? Is nothing I do good enough?! Hee hee. I love his drill-sergeant-like detachment...

Since we were all dressed up like Brazilian hookers, class was actually super fun today. It was all cardio dance. I was a spazzy mess but I had so much fun trying to do Leandro's moves. He was having so much fun so that spiked the energy for the class. Class was - relative to the last four weeks - pretty easy, so I spent 45 minutes doing running intervals on the treadmill after our Brazilian dance party.

One major goal accomplished.

One day of cardio homework done.

I am so pumped for the rest of the week!

Spazzy me getting my Brazilian dance on.

Gravity Always Wins. And It Wears Me Out.

2011-03-20T13:15:00.000-04:00

3.20.11 - Sunday: Week in Review

Hello my faithful followers! Sorry to have been away for so many days, but it's been a tough week. And frankly, I want to keep you wanting more, so why waste time with boring daily snippets when I can command your attention for a full five minutes with a longer weekly roundup?

As of yesterday, I've worked out for 13 days straight. Today, I rest and reflect. Sorry Butt Master, but I'm not a machine. Yet.

Here we go!

Monday, as you may remember, was a craptastic day all around. Class sucked, then I ate my way through my kid's pantry like a starving Tasmanian devil. I exchanged some emails with Jessica, Leandro's co-trainer, and she explained that it's normal for the mind to start "shutting down" at about the 4-week mark. Apparently my head is all, "I'm not digging this change in diet and I want you to self-sabotage by stuffing every snack you can find, into your mouth", but my body is all, "Hey, this hurts, but let's keep pushing and see if we can't get that pregnancy flap and those dimply thighs to hit the road." On Monday, my mind won that little game. And although Monday was by far the worst day, I have to admit that throughout the week, I "nibbled" a lot. A bite of my kid's dinner here, a handful of pretzels there, a non-sanctioned string cheese etc. I just couldn't stop myself and I feel very certain that the next weigh-in will reveal my infidelity.

Oh, it's also worth mentioning that I - being in the "girls who are bigger and need to lose more weight" group - have been assigned homework. Yep, in addition to the class I attend 5 days-a-week, I am to add one-hour (minimum) of cardio, 4 days-a-week. So that's a minimum of 9 hours of exercise a week, unless you count weekends, which we're supposed to be doing - that would make it 11 hours of exercise per week. Minimum. I think they're trying to kill me.

Tuesday: What a difference a day (and 760 extra cheat calories) makes! I went into class with a positive attitude and had a great workout. I think the cheating somehow, renewed my vigor. I also decided to bring some highly caffeinated green tea with me. I drank it twenty minutes before class and felt like it really gave me the extra energy I needed. I'm typically so hungry by class time since I eat breakfast very early, and don't get another meal until after class, when we get our delivery of food for the rest of the day. There's such a long stretch between breakfast and the next meal. I need SOMETHING. The green tea, with a little 1% milk (I don't care if it's not on the diet, I need milk in my tea and coffee!) seems to be a great solution...for now.

Also, because I'm such a loyal test subject, before class, I climbed 58 floors on the big stair climber - which got my heart rate up, my sweat pouring down and warmed up my gams. And later in the evening, I straight-up cheated on Leandro with my old friend Chalene. I knew I had to get my cardio homework in, and I just didn't want to see The Butt Master's face until class the next day. So I dusted off the Turbo Jam DVDs and ran back to Chalene's loving arms. I only did a 30-minute workout, but it was Fat Blaster and, if you're familiar with Chalene's workouts, you know this one is a high-impact cardio workout. I feel like it counts. And of course I wore the weighted gloves! It increases the intensity of the workout by 96%!

Wednesday: I wasn't able to do any cardio warm-up before class because Monica from 5 Squares, the company that cooks our meals, came to talk to us about our diet. She's very thin and looks a lot like Camille Grammer, minus the freakish face-lift and fake boobs. She talks a lot about the ingredients and the menus and then opens the floor for questions. Some whiny girl from the earlier class complains incessantly about the repetition of some of the meals. I notice that she's quite "heavy-set" so I assume she, like me, is in the group of girls that has more calorie restrictions. No one said it would be easy fatty! And you knew what you were signing up for, and you can leave any time. So shut your pie hole and eat your damn broccoli! Leandro motions to Monica that it's time to start class, and she scoots out, but not before she tells us we'll be getting her cookbook at the end of the program. This makes me very happy. I've been faithfully recording everything she makes for us, so I can continue to eat balanced, healthy meals when this is over. Diet is of the utmost importance to me at this juncture. I have a proven track-record of success when it comes to exercise, but my eating habits are bad. Really, really bad. I admit that I am bored with the program's food at this point, but I like that I am now accustomed to eating 5 small meals a day, rather than 3 or more giant, nutrient-free meals...plus lots of snacks. I am a classic over-eater with a raging snack habit. I eat out of boredom, not hunger. So many of my habits are changing as a result of this experience. Monica's cookbook is one I'll actually use, instead of relegating it to the cookbook cemetery above my stove.

Today brought another intense workout. Exhausting as usual, but it felt great. During the plank series at the end, I kept repeating the serenity prayer. I'm not a Jesus freak or anything, there's just something key about that "the courage to change the things I can" line that helped me stay in that brutal pose for a full minute. Almost all of the time, when I stop a movement, it's because I want to stop. Not because I need to stop. I'm learning to ignore my impulse to quit. I'm pushing harder and getting stronger as a result.

After class, I picked up my son at school and then headed right to the park for a three-mile cardio walk. Since the Bugaboo doesn't handle like a jogging stroller - especially when weighted down with a toddler, back pack, gym bag, and food cooler - I wasn't able to jog much, but I kept a brisk pace and worked up a good sweat. My cardio homework was done for the day.

Thursday: THE STEP IS BACK. Oh god, please don't let me fall. I take a deep breath and decide that this step will not defeat me. And damn if I didn't kill it in class today! But before class started, Leandro approaches me and asks how my week is going. I immediately confess about my cheating. I told him all about Monday's transgressions and how I am struggling to resist nibbling at home. He looks disappointed but says, "Monday is over. You gotta wake up and say 'Today I'm gonna be better and push harder' and forget about yesterday." I love you Leandro. I just want to make you proud. He is very happy to hear that I've done two days of additional cardio. I didn't tell him I cheated on him with Chalene. Shhh...

Class was great. My new green tea regimen is working out well. I had so much energy. We used 18-pound body bars on the step and worked our shoulders, biceps and backs while also killing the legs. I had great form...most of the time. I still suck at push-ups though. We do this thing where you straddle the step while holding the body bar above our head, drop to a dead-lift placing the bar on the step, jump our feet behind us, then do two push-ups and then reverse the series of movements to return to standing. I can't do a push-up to save my life. It's even harder when the Butt Master is screaming "lower!" while my bird-like wrists buckle under my body's weight. Despite that, I felt so powerful after class. Powerful, but spent.

Because I am an awesome wife, I went home and prepared a beer soaked corned beef brisket for my husband's annual St. Patrick's Day dinner. (I know, I'm awesome right!?) Our house smelled of yummy beer and meat for hours. I confess, I had two bites of the meat when it was done, then two bites of the delicious sandwich my husband made for his dinner. C'mon, meat boiled in beer...I HAD to have a taste!!

My lucky St. Paddy's Day t-shirt

Friday: Thursday night we get an email telling us that there's going to be a friendly team competition. Just when I thought I had seen the last of the neon yellow wrist band. I suppose it's an effort to bolster morale and encourage camaraderie, but I am a 35-year-old mom, while most of my classmates...are not. Suffice it to say, I'm not really into team spirit. We are instructed to come up with "costumes" that represent the spirit of Brazil. Of course, we need to be able to workout, but we should look "festive". I can not control the rolling of my eyes as I read the email. It then says there will be prizes for the winning team. The last time I won a prize, I had to exercise non-stop for 90 minutes. I'm not falling for that one again. On Friday, my teammates are abuzz with excitement. There's talk of black leggings with a colorful thong worn OVER them, feathers, face paint, bright sports bra ONLY, dark black eyeliner and bright red lipstick. Face paint?! Don't any of you bitches sweat? I immediately tell them that I will not be exposing my midriff in class. I mostly stayed quiet while the Brazilian-pride brainstorm went on. I'll look for a yellow, blue and green shirt and wear my black, skirted running leggings. That is all.

As class begins, I'm a little distracted by the girl next to me, who is wearing a bright blue, shiny unitard. I can't stop myself from giggling because, well, it's ridiculous and it totally reminds me of Charlie's (from "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia") green man costume.

And I can't help but think about how hot she must be. Also, as one of my classmates pointed out, isn't she just inviting a yeast infection? Plus, it just looks like a giant blue body condom! Eh, to each her own. Maybe she's blogging about the girl with the flabby white thighs that alternates the same two pairs of shorts all week...

Class was a killer today. We did 4 sets of traveling lunges while holding 15-pound dumbells. I counted my steps and calculated that we did approximately 124 traveling lunges. Between sets of lunges, we did squats with the weights, for a total 100 squats. Painful but will ultimately be worth it. The most rewarding part of this, is that when everything is flexed, I get a glimpse of legs without saddle bags. The muscles are forming, the fat is slowly melting.

At the end of class we are told that from here until the end of the program, we will only do sculpting. No more cardio. The last time I heard this, we only got LESS cardio. If it's really true, then I have to make sure that I do my part outside of class. Four-and-a-half weeks of sculpting, combined with my cardio homework, should make for a really happy ending to this story!

After class, I put air in the tires of my dusty jogging stroller and took my son to the park for a four-mile jog/walk. He loves it when I run. I love it when he puts his arms up in the air and says "WEEEEEEE!" I don't love it when I have to walk because feel like I'm about to have a heart attack and he starts screaming, "Mommy run!" But I always catch my breath.

"MOMMY RUN!"

Saturday: As much as it killed me to hear Leandro's voice, I managed to do a 30-minute Brazil Butt Lift DVD workout. I can't say that my intensity was very high, but I did it. After the 30-minute butt blast, I returned to my old pal Chalene and banged out a 45-minute cardio & ab workout with weights and the stability ball. Oh Chalene, you'll always be my workout go-to girl.

40 days to go...

Your Cheatin' Heart

2011-03-15T19:18:00.000-04:00

3.15.11 - Confession Tuesday

Forgive me Butt Master, for I have sinned. For 21 days I have faithfully followed your prescribed diet. I've eaten every egg white, raw broccoli floret, turkey cutlet, organic grain and asparagus spear you've given me. But last night...I fell from grace Butt Master. I fell hard. An evil deep inside my belly caused me to stray from the confines of your carefully crafted menu. I gave into temptation with the following food:

4 raviolis, abandoned by my 3-three-year old son - 52 calories

4 dried apricots - 73 calories

1/4 cup of chocolate animal crackers - 130 calories

1 tablespoon extra crunchy peanut butter - 94 calories

Fruit leather - 45 calories

Tortilla chips - 46 calories

3 fig cookies - 180

Half bag of low-cal Chips Ahoy snack pack - 50 calories

1 slice Alpine Lace Swiss cheese - 90

Please forgive me my 760 calorie transgression Butt Master. I was weak...and hungry...and I gave into temptation. I shan't let it happen again.

Yours in fitness,

Alison

C'mon, I had a bad night! Does that me a total loser?! (Say no, say no.) I just snapped. If it could be grabbed, I grabbed it. And I didn't give a damn about the consequences...until this morning when my belly told me exactly what it thought of my behavior. But, there's nothing I can do to change what happened. I think it's out of my system. In fact, I went grocery shopping today and now my kitchen is filled with yummy food that I can't eat. But, did I cheat again? NO! It's done. I'm moving forward.

There's a pretty good chance I burned off most of that 760 calorie mistake in class today. I hope. Even the most disciplined people have a bad day. (Seriously, I went to a birthday party where there was pizza and cake. PIZZA AND CAKE!! And I didn't so much as swipe a taste of icing from my kid's piece.)

Guess I'm human afterall...

Cheater with the blue shorts.

Step By Step...We All Fall Down

2011-03-14T14:06:00.000-04:00

3.14.11 - Monday

Yes. Yes I did use a Martika lyric for today's blog post. Don't pretend you don't know who she is, or that you didn't love her on Kids Incorporated.

And besides, my title choice is totally relevant because today, the Butt Master kicked it up a notch and put us on the steps.

Oh my freaking god, was this a tough workout! Thankfully, the steps only had two risers, as opposed to the FOUR risers he made me do at my Saturday session. But, as usual, he was ruthless and we squatted and jumped and hopped and lunged until I almost puked. And of course, in addition to the fancy footwork on the step, there was coordinating arms as well. Since I'm so very graceful, this was quite a challenge for me. I was just trying not to break an ankle, but Leandro kept insisting I get my arms in the right motion. Jessica came over to correct my form, and then it happened..I tripped. I caught myself before I went down, but it scared me enough to draw tears. I already felt so tired going into class today, so it was no surprise that I was a big fat cry baby. I quickly composed myself and kept moving.

Just when we thought we had survived the brutal 30 minutes on the steps, he added a 15-pound body bar to the party. We then launched into a series of lunges and squats with our body bar - on the step.

My biceps, shoulders and back felt like jello when it was over. But it's never really over is it!? After the steps and body bar, we moved to the floor for ankle-weighted leg lifts. My hammies are on fire!!

At the end of class, all of us were writhing in pain on the floor, trying to stretch our aching legs. Leandro is all smiles as he says, "Who's gonna come to my two-hour class tonight?" Oh, hell no Butt Master!

This is going to be a long week...

Hangin' On. Hangin' Out. Got My Hundred Dollar Shoes.

2011-03-13T16:44:00.000-04:00

3.13.11 - Sunday

Well the weekend came and is almost gone. On Saturday, I met up with a "mom friend" (because we no longer have our own identity when we become a mom) and went to a spin class for a change of cardio pace. It was so great. No one yelling at me to squeeze my butt cheeks, no Brazilian dance music - just me and the bike. My mom pal is ripped - I mean, has no body fat and looks like a former ballerina or marathon runner - so, because I love feeling like a chunky schlub, I sat right behind her so I'd have an unobstructed view of her sculpted hammies, perfect butt and chiseled arms. Okay, I didn't purposely sit behind her, I was late and that was the first available bike. But anyway, she's in amazing shape and I just pretended that I was riding to get to a body like hers. I pushed the resistance up high and worked my legs and butt - I think the Butt Master would have been proud...if the class had been three-hours long, that is. At the end of the 45-minute class, I was dripping in sweat and felt like I had really accomplished a goal for the day. I'll carry that feeling - along with the crotch bruise from the bike seat - with me all week.

After class, I marched on down to the sneaker store and got myself a new pair of shoes for booty school. You like?

I know I'll be a jumping/squatting/kicking machine in my neon yellow trail shoes! Look out Leandro, this flabby mama is ready to kick it into high gear! Lord help me...

And speaking of Sunday, I exercised today too. I did two workouts from Leandro's DVDs and to say my effort was half-assed, is to give myself way too much credit. I need to be in an environment where I have accountability and can't stop to watch the sculpted people on the screen while I "adjust my laces" for the billionth time. But hey, at least I did something!

I'm feeling a little melancholy and tired today, thanks to PMS and daylight savings, but I'm going to adjust my attitude, go to bed early and wake up ready to take on the week at booty school. I refuse to get expelled. I refuse to quit. I refuse to accept that this is the best body I can hope for.

I. CAN. DO. THIS!

Six weeks to go...

Every Booty's Working For the Weekend

2011-03-11T19:23:00.000-05:00

3.11.11 - Friday

I wish Leandro could develop a workout that transfers ass and thigh fat to my shrinking boobs. I've lost two inches from my chest and they're starting to look like deflated balloons. And the irony is, I had a breast reduction when I was 18. I know, I know..."It's like slapping God in the face" (My husband's favorite line from Superbad). But it seemed like a good idea at the time. But this is not the Boobington Post is it? Let's get down to business!

In anticipation of today's ambush weigh-in, I opt to take my breakfast (broccoli omelet w/potatoes on the side) to-go, so that I can eat it after said weigh-in. Smart right!? I leave home earlier than usual and arrive at the gym at 8:30AM. I step on the scale for the moment of truth. I LOST TWO POUNDS!!! I've lost 12.5 pounds since the photoshoot on 2/15. I'm only one and a half pounds away from moving the big weight to 100 on the scales! I literally cannot remember the last time I weighed less than 150 pounds. The idea that this might happen next week, is beyond thrilling to me! Today we got goal sheets to fill out every week. My first goal: Weigh-in under 150 by next Friday. I just know I can do this!

Since I was early, I got an extra long cardio workout before class. Ten grueling minutes on the stair-climber, followed by 45 minutes on the treadmill doing sideways shuffle & running intervals. Oh by the way, I wore a tighter tank top just to please the Butt Master. I feel certain the guy on the treadmill behind me that had to watch my love handles flap in the breeze, was not so pleased. At least I follow directions.

Before class, we are instructed to reach into a mystery bag and choose a wrist band. I pull out a neon yellow band. When I get into the studio, I see that half of us have neon yellow, the other half has dark green. We are split into two groups and informed that we are now competing against each other - sort of. As a motivational tool, they want us to "buddy up" with our team members and encourage each other to push harder. Since some of us will be expelled from booty school in the coming days/weeks, we learn that the team with the fewest expulsions will get a prize. The neon yellow team looks worried, and rightfully so because we (myself included) are absolutely the weaker team. There's the lady that's my age that always looks as exhausted as me within the first five minutes of the workout. There's the girl that always looks like she stayed out too late, whom I overheard saying "I'm just not a morning person"...at a 10:00AM class. There's the girl that just blatantly threw some of her food in the garbage one day and has already been in trouble for cheating on the diet. And there's ME - the spazzy mom that whimpers during the ankle-weight series. On the other team, there's the gorgeous blond with an accent, who is a freaking machine. I never see her stopping and, after class she does cardio. There's the quadruple jointed lady that has no spacial awareness but is strong as an ox. The two of those girls alone can carry that team. I clearly landed on the island of misfits butts. Well, we're obviously never winning a prize; I just hope I don't get expelled...

I felt so low-energy in class today. It is the end of the week and it's normal to be more fatigued, but I just felt like I couldn't dig deep enough. Maybe I was too focused on the cuts that are coming, I don't know. I was pretty beat after my hour-long pre-class cardio. Maybe eating eggs right before a workout was a bad idea. Today Jessica taught the class while Leandro walked around and corrected our form...and silently judged his flock. Jessica is just as ruthless as Leandro. She's a great trainer and motivator. She herself is a former fatty that made a life change and is now in incredible shape. She has boundless energy and runs around like a hyper terrier, barking at us. While I got the same workout from her as a teacher, I missed the extra attention that we get when Leandro's in front of the class and she is the one walking around. Leandro isn't as into the motivating thing. The few times he stopped at me, he just took the opportunity to correct my form or tell me that a particular exercise is very good for my "problem areas." Jessica usually follows up her visits with a "you're doing great". The Butt Master doesn't hand out compliments as easily. I'm pretty sure his faith in me is waning...

So now it's the freaking weekend and since I don't have an awesome 90-minute session with Leandro tomorrow, I am responsible for my own workout. Weather permitting, I'm thinking a bike ride in the park, then my Brazil Butt Lift DVDs at home. I have to step it up if I'm to avoid the chopping block and achieve my goal of falling below the 150-pound mark. But right now, I need a hot shower and good night's sleep.

Night y'all.

Here's sweaty me after today's workout. Notice the hint of definition in those shoulders! 48 days to go...