Moving Forward And Not Looking Back

(song: Coming of Age/artist: Foster the People)




On my 40th, I wrote about my burgeoning mid-life identity crisis. I hired a therapist. At 41, I was recovering from back surgery and feeling hopeful -- Thanks to my therapist. Two months later, the crushing loss of my father would make back surgery feel like a stubbed toe in comparison. My therapist worked overtime. And just like that, I'm 42. My body is almost completely functional, my heart is still broken but the passage of time has helped to ease the pain. My therapist is never getting rid of me.


So, what does 42 look like so far? Pretty good, really. When the bar is set so low, there's nowhere to go but up. 







First, my body. On December 14, the 1st anniversary of my surgery, I reunited with my BBSPT ("Before Back Surgery Physical Therapist"), Tony Ellis. I LOVE Tony! He's so kind, incredibly good at his job, and, like me, he's from Georgia so that automatically makes him the best physical therapist in the world. Tony got me running again after I bonked my left ankle and wound up with tendonitis. After lots of hugs and "I've missed yous!", we got down to business. Tony poked, prodded, nudged, pushed and assessed. The verdict: I have full feeling in my left shin and foot, my right shin still has numbness, and I still have foot-drop in my right foot. Both ankles are still very weak and my balance is pretty sucky. I also still have pain from the tendonitis in my left ankle, and I have plantar fasciitis - My left foot is a mess. I fully admit I have been terribly inconsistent with physical therapy so I own my (lack of) progress. I told him I had been doing easy running intervals. He told me to stop. Not because I can't run, but because I shouldn't until I'm stronger, more balanced and not a trip hazard. I begrudgingly agree to abide by the rules then we review exercises I've done in the past, and add a few new ones. Since I don't need to go to PT every week, we agreed to see each other after I've done some work on my own for a couple of months. I'm now consistently doing my physical therapy, going to Tabura, working out with light weights, and walking with my Achilles family every Thursday. I'm focused on rebuilding my strength and achieving my goal of becoming a RUNNING Achilles guide. I am taking back my body!






Tony makes me so happy.


On the nutrition front, I am finally tackling my weight gain, "the grief weight" as I like to call it. I am currently on day 24 of a Whole30 and I'm feeling great! The depression that accompanied my grief was my excuse to eat any and all shitty food I wanted for the past year. My sick dad only ate sweet stuff. Who was I to tell a dying man I couldn't join him in a meal of key lime pie, followed by ice cream, then topped off with more pie? The low point for me was having to buy a new winter coat - IN MARCH - because my coat couldn't zip around my ample hip region. Yep, that was rock bottom. (Pun intended.) It's been an easy 24 days so far. I will reintroduce grains, dairy and alcohol in moderation, but sugar is out for awhile. I don't even miss it. You're not supposed to weigh yourself during a Whole30 but I expect I will be down 5 to 8 pounds by day 30. I have 15 pounds to lose, and the Whole30 is a great way to kick-start that goal. Resetting my body and my mind.



Letting my freak flag fly in Tabura class.


I got myself a little part-time job too! My first job in 9 years. My friend Nicoletta, who is the chapter leader of Achilles Brooklyn, is the director of a non-profit youth running program called Run4Fun. I work with 2nd and 3rd graders, one day a week, and I love it. I also help manage Run4Fun's Instagram and Facebook pages. I specifically love working for Nicoletta because of her commitment to empowering kids of all socioeconomic backgrounds through running and staying active. She is a favorite among the members of my Achilles family and I'm thrilled to be a part of her growing business. She has given me the purpose 40-year-old me was so desperately seeking.





I get payed to play outside!

I still carry the weight of my grief every day but, I am simultaneously happy about the direction my life is taking. 
This year I celebrated my birthday in Ireland with my family. As I hiked the Cliffs of Moher (a.k.a. The "Cliffs of Insanity" if you're a Princess Bride nerd like I am) on a beautiful March afternoon, it occurred to me that just 12 months earlier, I was still using a cane to walk. I've come a long way, and I'm excited about the future.

Okay 42, let's do this! 





INCONCEIVABLE! 

Those Lazy Days of Summer Are Here

(song: Dry County/artist: The B-52s)

Hey y'all! Greetings from hot and humid Brooklyn, NY. I've just returned home after six weeks in my even hotter and more humid hometown of St. Simons Island, GA. As most of you know from my last post, I've been having a tough time figuring out who I am and what I want as I move forward in this new decade of my life. Being home with family and friends, and connecting with those who've known me most of my life was good for my soul. I'm still feeling lost, but not as afraid. Baby steps.

In addition to taking in some southern love, I took in a lot of southern food...

Country buffet, anyone?

and quite a few cocktails.

I arrived in Georgia with all of my healthy staples - almond butter, Vega protein smoothie mix for post-workout fuel, coconut milk, supplements etc. I left Georgia with a whole bunch of unopened almond butter, Vega protein smoothie mix for post-workout fuel, coconut milk, supplements etc. Seriously, I ditched all of my healthy eating habits and I ate with reckless abandon.  I could not get enough fried, sweet, or processed food into my body. And if I'm being completely honest, I didn't give a damn. Let's just add it to the "mid-life crisis" column. But now I'm home and so are my good habits. Almost 5 years into this lifestyle, I find it so much easier to get right back on the wagon. My experience with Whole30 helped tremendously. I don't make excuses anymore, I just do it.

The one good thing I did for my body (and my mind) in Georgia was run. 16 runs in 6 weeks. And I needed every damn one of them. Not just to off-set the garbage I shoveled into my mouth every day, but to help  clear my mind. Such great therapy. In fact, I registered for a half-marathon in October. I signed up ages ago but never announced it because I had already told myself I probably wouldn't do it. Fuck that. I'm not quitting. My ankle isn't as strong as it once was, and I'm not as fast as I was in 2013 but I'm not in any pain and even if I have to walk most of it, I WILL FINISH THE RACE. (And now it's on the Internet so I can't back out.)

 

Sure I felt like I was going to die, but I looked good.

Let Me Share This Whole New World With You

(song:A Whole New World/artist:Alan Menken & Tim Rice)

Hi there, friends! I am so sorry that this is only my 2^nd post THIS ENTIRE YEAR, but what can I say? Life. I promise to do better next year.

Okay, so in my last post I wrote that I was going to do a Whole30. I did.  I lost a few pounds, and I was starting to feel better. Then we moved (locally), then I went to Georgia for a month during the summer, and between the stress of moving and the joy of spending five weeks in my hometown with family, good friends, refreshing beverages and southern food, I "forgot" about clean eating and I gained even more weight. At one point I was only three pounds less than my starting weight during the Brazil Butt Lift test group. Depressing. On top of that, the pain in my ankle still lingered one year after the initial injury. Once my son started school and I was back to a routine, I decided to give Whole30 another go. And boy, am I glad I did!  

Whole30 is a program designed to reset your body, cure your sugar cravings and boost your immune system by eating clean, wholesome foods but eliminating foods that can cause or exacerbate inflammation; dairy, sugar, grains, legumes and alcohol are off-limits for 30 days – some people go longer but it is not recommended as a year-round lifestyle. It is based on the Paleo principal of eating whole foods but is a stricter version. (Example: Paleo allows natural sweeteners like raw honey and agave while Whole30 eliminates ALL added sugars.) Many people with autoimmune disorders use it to identify foods that cause negative reactions. At the end of 30 days you reintroduce one food group at a time to see what may be causing inflammation. I have no autoimmune disorder but I do have inflammation – tendonitis in my left ankle – which is the reason I had to quit running, which I then used as an excuse to revisit unhealthy choices, which caused me to gain weight then spiral into depression. You know the dance. Many Whole30 testimonials report cured pain, loss of sugar cravings, regulated sleep, cleared skin, boosted energy, no longer needing diabetes medication, no more IBS issues and much more. They had me at "no more pain".

The difference between my first and second Whole30 was my preparedness – literally and figuratively. I sort-of winged it on my first Whole30; little-to-no menu prep and trying my best to get around actually cooking, which is impossible. I ate very boring Whole30-compliant meals but I refused to explore recipes and try new ways of preparing veggies etc. I also frequently snacked on dried fruit, which is not off limits, but frowned upon since it doesn’t really solve the issue of sugar cravings when you trade one sweet thing for another – your brain doesn’t know the difference. On my 2^nd Whole30, I did not eat any dried fruit and I very rarely ate Larabars, which are a compliant snack but recommended only for emergencies. I really focused on eating whole foods and getting enough nutrient-dense protein, fat and veggies in every meal. I dedicated one day a week to food prep for the week and planned menus. I actually began to enjoy cooking. I became a devout follower of Whole30 posts on Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest and I documented every meal I ate on my Facebook page and my Instagram account.

An example of one my my Instagram posts. I am a hashtagging champion now: "Whole30 Day 12: Breakfast - 2 fried eggs, steamed asparagus, strawberries. Workout - circuit training, boxing, 15-minute treadmill run. Lunch - slices of turkey and roast beef with grilled veggies, fresh tomatoes and pickles. Snack - banana, grass-fed beef stick, hazelnuts. Dinner - turkey burger (used @aipxwhole30 's meatball recipe) with avocado and spinach on sweet potato "bun"(inspired by @amazon_ashley 's post on @whole30recipes ) #Whole30 #Paleo #GoodFats #CleanEating #Whole30Recipes"

I was much more focused and determined the 2^nd time around. I started working out right away and I noticed by week 2 that my ankle wasn’t hurting after a workout. I started running again. When I was finally able to run a whole mile without walking, it felt just as exhilarating as running the half-marathon last year! My physical therapist gave me the all-clear to run a 5K race in early November. After almost one year, I was finally running a race again! FOOD HEALS!

My first race since December 2013. That smile says it all.

By the time I reached day 30, my ankle was pain free, my skin was clear, I was sleeping great, I had incredible energy during my workouts and I felt so great that I decided to keep going and make it a Whole50. For my last four weeks I hired a personal trainer twice a week and kicked my workouts into high gear. By day 50 I had lost 16.5 inches and 8 pounds (Perspective: I wasn’t "fat" to begin with - I had fat; for people starting at a higher weight, you will lose more in 30 days than someone with a lower starting weight.). My jeans fit again but MUCH MORE IMPORTANTLY, I feel so good. I can’t say that enough.  I FEEL SO GOOD! It feels so good to feel so good. And I don’t crave sweets! I did my Whole50 during Halloween and didn’t even flinch when faced with my son’s candy bucket. If you have ever read any of my posts - like this one, or this one, and this one - you know I AM A (recovering) CANDY ADDICT. I love sugar. Or rather, loved sugar. But not only did I not touch it, I didn’t want to touch it. I didn’t feel deprived. I simply did not want any candy. In case you didn’t get that, I DO NOT CRAVE SWEETS AT ALL. Not even the mountains of dried organic mango, and dates, and Larabars that are sitting in my pantry right now. I’d rather have an apple with some hazlenuts. I don't snack on my kid's leftovers. I find myself completely indifferent to his once-tempting mac & cheese. And that is the very definition of “food freedom”.  At almost 40-years-old, this is one hell of a milestone for me.

Nutrition was the last leg of this journey that began in 2009, and while I am still in the learning stage, if I had to define my diet today, I would say I’m Paleo with a heavy lean towards Whole30. It works for me. A diet that requires eating fat, protein, veggies/fruit - you know REAL FOOD - is one that I whole-heartedly embrace. If you’re tired of feeling tired and ready to see what it feels like to feel good, start here. It requires work on your part. Any lifestyle change does. If this former hater-of-cooking can become a recipe-posting Whole30 groupie, you can give up junk food for a month. 

I could go on and on about why I love Whole30 but you’re probably at work or using the bathroom and I don’t want to ramble longer than you can read this while you’re boss isn’t looking and/or it takes you to finish pooping. There is a ton of information out there. Whole30 is a FREE program. The site is free, the info is free. There is a book called It Starts With Food by Dallas and Melissa Hartwig, the creators of Whole30, which I highly recommend you read - it is not free.  There are forums galore - blogs, Facebook groups, Pinterest boards, Instagram accounts. They're all free and there for you! 

My favorites are:
Whole30 Blog

Nom Nom Paleo

The Clothes Make the Girl

Amazon Ashley

It's Me Charlotte

The book again, is It Starts With Food. This is the Whole30 bible – read it. Here’s my Instagram account if you’re more of a visual person. I photographed all of my meals for 50 days. And I’m always posting to my FaceBook page if you need further inspiration and encouragement. I know I do. Click it, like it, stay in touch. (My Whole50 food pics are also on my Facebook page.) And feel free to contact me. I’m happy to answer questions about my Whole30 experience, life after Whole30, and offer support during yours.

 
Change your habits, you'll change your life. 

FOOD HEALS! (That left ankle could not have withstood this plank two months ago!)

And just in case you thought, "What CAN you eat?" Here's a few meals I enjoyed during my Whole50:

Lamb chops with chimichurri sauce and broiled romaine lettuce.

"Bangers and mash" - compliant sausage with sauteed onions and mushrooms on mashed cauliflower.

Homemade meatballs with homemade marinara over zucchini noodles.

Turkey burger with roasted butternut squash, sauteed green beans and cantaloupe.

Tuna salad (subbed avocado for mayo) stuffed bell pepper.

Two eggs scrambled with mushrooms, spinach, tomatoes, peppers, served with compliant sausage.

Lamb stew. (The best thing I've ever made.)

If you're hungry during a Whole30, you're doing it wrong.