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Formerly obese mom overcoming body-image issues and ailments with a healthy mix of self-depreciation and determination.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Hungry Like the Wolf

2.27.2011 

So here's the deal with the food.  The first six days of the Brazil Butt Lift program is known as the "Six-day Supermodel Slim-down". So in just one more day, I'll be runway ready! It's the guarantee that "you'll notice results in the first six days or your money back!"  You'll also notice that you're really hungry because, if one follows the menu that comes with the program (or in my case, eats the bland first-week meals), one is allotted a measly 1100 calories per day. One also only eats "green and white" food. Meaning: chicken, fish, turkey, spinach, celery, broccoli, cauliflower, egg-whites...you get the picture. In conjunction with eating like you're in a prison camp, you do hour-long workouts for the first week. I'm on day 5 of this starvation kick-start and let me tell you, I AM ONE HUNGRY BITCH! 


Green & White Grub
It doesn't help that my husband thinks it's hilarious to talk about mac & cheese, burgers and other off-limits foods, during this really hard first week. Last night he made this delicious (okay I had ONE bite) bone-in lemon chicken breast with crispy skin. The house smelled so good! And he washed it all down with a growler of dark beer, while I ate a tiny fist-sized portion of taste-free turkey cutlet with fennel (I hate fennel) and a glass of water. Tonight he's thinking of cooking up some steak for himself. I hope he chokes on the gristle.

Yesterday I did my Saturday homework, which was to do two workouts from Leandro's DVDs: Cardio Axe (pronounced A-SHAY. Don't ask me, I'm not Brazilian.) and Bum Bum (pronounced BOOM BOOM.) I woke up energized and so relieved to be working out at home in the comfort and privacy of our dingy man-cave instead of the gym where I would have to actually put forth effort since the Butt Master would be there screaming at me in his thick accent...which is kind of dreamy. I pop in Cardio Axe and prepare to shake my money maker. When Leandro appears on the screen, I actually miss seeing him live. It's just not the same when the Butt Master is only 12" tall. It's really weird to watch the video after being in the class with Leandro. He's more playful on the videos and the workouts are a billion times easier because he "marches it out" between sets of butt blasting exercises, so you get a break. Not the case in class where stopping is an offense punishable by death. I find myself giggling every time he says "bum bum". Oh Leandro, you're so cute.  

My son and husband come downstairs while I'm doing  the Bum Bum workout. "Mommy are you practicing for exercise school?" I sweetly answer my son then bark at my husband, "I don't want you to see me doing this!" For god sake, I just started these workouts and I look like I'm having a seizure when I try to do the dance moves. I'm the Elaine Benes of home workouts. It takes a VERY long time for me to get the moves down...



Today, I did not exercise. I planned to but I have no energy. I didn't sleep well, I woke up hungry and exhausted so I'm giving myself a pass. I mean, I still have to clean and do laundry and take care of my kid so it's not like I'm just sitting on my soon-to-be-taut ass right? 

Tuesday is the first weigh-in and the photoshoot for the "Six-day Supermodel Slim-down". Oh yeah, I get to wear my bikini again. Yippee. So unless something really hilarious happens at booty school tomorrow, I probably won't post anything until Tuesday when I'll find out how much weight I lost and whether or not I was this week's "biggest loser". Wish me luck!

3 comments:

  1. The food truly looks awful. Can I cook you some super low-fat vegetarian fare? I promise it will have a lot of flavor. :) Remember that hot water is filling... add some lemon to make it better. (or tea, if that's allowed) Not against the rules, I'd imagine.

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  2. I knew the fold would appall you ETex. It's supposed to be better tomorrow. Stay tuned...

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  3. That pic makes Elaine look like one of the Pointer Sisters . . .

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