You're Gonna Carry That Weight

2.28.11 - MONDAY
Today, Leandro said the words I've been longing to hear: "No more cardio for the rest of the program!" Thank you! Thank you Butt Master! Then we began the last and most excruciatingly difficult cardio workout of this buttastic journey. I truly thought my heart was going to explode right out of my chest. Thank god I had so much sleep last night! I survive the workout, feeling so glad that he won't put me through that hell again, then he says, "The rest of the time, we work only the butt. For those who have more weightloss needs, you do cardio on your own. One hour a day." Cure the sad trombone:

Hallelujah! The 6-Day Supermodel Slimdown is over and today I'm getting tastier food with more calories and FLAVOR! In six days (including four brutal workouts with Leandro and one half-assed home workout) I lost 4.5 pounds. Not exactly earth-shattering considering how bloody starving I've been for the past week. But, when you take into account my starting weight at the humiliating photoshoot - 164 pounds - I've lost a total of 10.5 pounds in 14 days. Woo hoo!! Now I know there are some doubting Thomases reading this who are saying, "Most of that is water weight." And to you I say...suck it. I get to celebrate. Plus, I just started this journey, so stop being so negative. I don't expect to have an average weekly loss of 5 pounds for the remaining 7 weeks. I understand how these things work and my expectations are reasonable. So there.

And then the first of our butt-centric workouts begins. We are told to you use dumbbells. Our choices are 8, 10 or 12 pounds. A collective gasp fills the room. "I only use 3 pounds at home," says the beautiful blonde next to me. I confidently grab the 10-pounders and take my place in the front row. I can TOTALLY do this. I use weights all the time at home. Ah, but I don't do 24 reps on each side with the 10-pound weights at home. I was okay for the first two sets of squats and lunges. Around the third set, the searing glute and thigh pain starts to kick in. "Get lower! Now pulse! Squeeze your butt cheeks!" Oh my God, I actually miss cardio. I don't. Just breathe. I forgot to mention that today is a filming day. So there's a dude with a camera walking around filming us squat our way to a better ass. We had been told to wear "bright colors" for filming day, so I wore a salmon-colored tank top. The shirt was lose enough to hide my spare tire, but since it was a bright color, the sweat stains immediately revealed themselves and within 10 minutes of the class, the sweat collecting around my belly button starts to look like a frowning face on my shirt. Oh great, there's my sweaty belly fat stain for all the infomercial world to see. Just suck it in before it gets worse. 

Next, we strap on our ankle weights and move to the floor for a series of  inner and and outer thigh exercises. Everyone is groaning. Many of the girls are punching their hips because of cramping. My booty was throbbing but I never cramped up so, even if my movements weren't completely fluid, I pushed through. This is way better than cardio, so don't complain!

After class, I go to a studio downtown for the 6-day results photoshoot. Yay, another chance to wear a bikini in a crowded room! I arrive and go to the make-up lady who, once again, airbrushes my tramp stamp, touches up my face, then sends me to wardrobe where I stuff myself into my bikini for round two of photos. No rotating turntable this time - just stills. "Arms to the side. Arms on your hips. Turn to the right. Look at the lens..." And I'm done. The photographer shows me the picture from two weeks ago and comments that he can see I've already lost weight. Thanks dude, I sure as hell hope so. I get dressed then go over to Jessica, Leandro's right-hand lady, for a run-down of my 6-day results. I learn I've lost one inch from my chest, one inch from my waist, one inch from that belly pouch section under my navel, one inch from my hip/butt and one inch from each thigh. Now this is why I wanted to do this! I head toward the subway with a little spring in my step. I can't wait for class tomorrow...

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