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Formerly obese mom overcoming body-image issues and ailments with a healthy mix of self-depreciation and determination.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

If We Couldn't Laugh, We Would All Go Insane

4.17.11 - Sunday

Well, I survived Saturday at the ball park! It was an 80th birthday party for my aunt-in-law, so her kids rented a private suite - which is officially the only way I want to attend any sporting event going forward - that included endless (literally) hot dogs, fried chicken strips, pizza, chips & dip, Caesar salad and non-alcoholic beverages. The booze had to be purchased, and believe you me, the beer cart dude made many trips to our suite. I did not find myself craving the beer at all. It was the food that killed me. The pizza - thankfully - looked pretty bad. Like freezer-section pizza. I wasn't at all tempted by it. The chicken strips looked so good. Crunchy fried outer shell. White meat inside. Honey mustard dip. The old Alison would have put two or three of those bad boys away. But the really tempting food, was the hot dogs. I'm drooling as I type. We had one of those convenience store hot dog rotisserie things, complete with, sauerkraut, condiments and Wonder brand hot dug buns. Oh my lord, I wanted TWO (okay three) hot dogs. One with mustard only. One with kraut. It was so torturous to eat my sensible serving of tilapia while watching those delectable, Hebrew National 1/4 pound all-beef franks slowly rotate in my periphery. Glistening sirens in the distance. Just one bite Alison. Just one bite....

Hot dog vs. Tilapia

I wanted to prepare myself for this experience so I researched some of the Yankee stadium fare before I went into the line of fire. Every time I glanced over at the hot dog rotisserie, I reminded myself that those tempting little treats that go down so quickly, had 33 grams of fat each! 13 of which are saturated fat grams. The recommended average daily fat intake, based a 2000 calorie diet, is 65 grams (20 grams of saturated fat). The 360 calories per frank seem like nothing if you're only counting calories, but the fat content probably would have made me queasy. My husband ate three (possibly four) dogs and I'm pretty sure he'll need heart bypass surgery later today. So I ate my little meals and drank tons of water and pushed through the temptation. Mostly by avoiding eye contact with the hot dog station.

Then the damn cake came.

I knew there would be cake, but I didn't know it would be Carvel ice cream cake! I thought my sweet tooth was supposed to be suppressed after 53 days of clean eating. Damn you Butt Master! Damn your lies! Oh god, it looked so good. Chocolate ice cream with those cookie crunchies. I had to help feed my son his serving. I wanted to snatch the bowl and run down the hall to a dark corner and gorge. But I didn't.

One of cousins-in-law kept telling me how impressed he was that I "so strong" around the food. The thing is, it's so much easier to exercise willpower when you're surrounded by people that know you're a test subject in an exercise experiment. Of course I'm not going to slip up in public! It's the moments at home, when no one's watching, that it's excruciatingly hard to behave. I don't expect that ever gets easy. That's why 85% of dieters gain their weight back after reaching a goal. It's your behavior over the course of your lifetime that dictates your success. That's why I have no deadlines or goals per say. Yeah sure, I want to get to a certain weight/size and maintain it, but I don't have a "lose 25 pounds by April 27th" deadline. Any time I've started a program with a "get there by summer" deadline, I reach my goal, and then come Fall, I'm working my way back up to a dress size with the word teen in it. I'm through with that. 

Another reason it was so "easy" to behave was because it was the first time, since starting Leandro's program, that I had seen most of these in-laws and they were so supportive and congratulatory. This was the first big gathering since I started booty school and it felt awesome to hear the "oh my gods" and "you look amazings".  I spend all week with my fellow test subjects and my family at home so I'm pretty insulated from the outside world. I am constantly comparing myself to the girls in class and only focusing on how much work still needs to be done, rather than taking a moment to celebrate how far I've come. It was such a boost of confidence to have my husband's family tell me how proud they are. Those are the moments when it's absolutely worth every second of sweat and pain I choose over hot dogs and beer. Plus, a lot of them have been reading my blog and were so genuinely interested in everything I'm doing. My mother-in-law told me I inspire her and she has now lost 20 pounds. I can't tell you how good it made me feel to hear such praise and to know that I'm an inspiration to others. This whole time, I've been pulling inspiration from the people I've met through Beachbody and Leandro's camp. I love the idea that people could be inspired by me.

Both of my brothers-in-law are pretty fit, and it was really great to talk about the exercises we all do. Comparing notes and learning from each other. One of them told me he traded the elliptical for the stair climber after I told him how much more intense the cardio, quad and glute workout is. The other brother-in-law is training for the Tough Mudder in Vermont. I'm so excited to hear how he does and if he even finishes. He's young and fit, but it's an insanely difficult race with all sorts of obstacles. Kind of a strongman-contest-meets-triathlon-meets-Japanese game show. I'm intrigued. Could I do one of those one day? Never say never.

Yesterday I wore a pair of jeans that as of February 15, I could not pull past my thighs. I mean they barely got above my knee caps. Now, they're the only jeans I have that aren't baggy. That feeling is a thousand times better than a slice of ice cream cake...

4.16.11

2 comments:

  1. You're friggin' AMAZING!!!!!!!!!
    xxxxxxxxxxx

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  2. Public approbation! I totally agree.

    ReplyDelete