'cause Cheap is How I Feel

(song: 'cause Cheap is How I feel/Artist:Cowboy Junkies)

Last night I did something no one should on a Friday night - on Memorial Day weekend. I went to Target at Brooklyn's Atlantic Terminal station, the city's largest transit hub. Huge mistake. It was a colossal nightmare; People everywhere scrambling to buy God-knows-what for the three-day weekend. I only did this to myself because, suddenly Mother Nature decided to give us tropical weather, and it hit me that I have no summer clothes that fit! I know, I know...there are way worse problems, but my size 10 Land's End activity skorts from last year's summer "momdrobe" look ridiculous now. (As opposed to last year when they looked super stylish...) Since my family has an action packed outdoor weekend planned, I had to get some damn clothes. And I'm still not ready to invest a lot in new clothes because, let's face it, these thighs are shrinking, but they're still not "there" yet. So I left my son with hubby and decided to - as calmly as possible - brave the madness of Target on a Friday, at 5:00PM. 

Targhetto madness
I went into zen mode and made my way through the womens' clothing section, collecting every pair of of size 6 & 8 shorts that looked semi-decent. And then I stood on the three-mile-long fitting room line for what seemed like an eternity. I was also starving, which didn't help, but since I really had no other choice, I resisted the urge to get a giant pretzel at the in-store  snack bar. Finally making way to the front of the line with my 14 items, I entered my tiny fitting room with the allotted 6 items and began the dreaded trying-on stage. Why are shorts so SHORT!? Seriously, I've always hated shorts because of my ample thighs, so I usually wear skirts or skorts. Even with significantly less thigh fat, the shorts I tried on were so unflattering. Every bit of cellulite and fat seemed to flow right out of every pair. Ewww! I settled (and I do mean SETTLED) for a pair of white, size 8 Converse® shorts that will at least get me through the weekend. AT $25, they exceeded my budget, but were the only half-way decent shorts I found. I guess I do need to figure out what my summer mom-uniform is going to be. My legs are sort-of ready for shorts, but I need something longer than the hot-pants I tried on, and shorter than the uber-frumpy Merona® cargo capris that I tried, as they, combined with my newly shorter haircut, just screamed, I'M A MOM!

Don't do it moms!
Truthfully, I've always dreaded summer clothes shopping. Fat or thin, it's hard to feel cute when the humidity is at 100% and your shirt is nestled in the sweaty folds of your belly. Thankfully we'll be spending a lot of time near swimming pools and beaches, which means I'll get to wear a cover-up for much of the summer. As I do every year, I'll figure something out for the days I need real clothes. This year, I might actually pull off "cute"...