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Formerly obese mom overcoming body-image issues and ailments with a healthy mix of self-depreciation and determination.

Friday, March 4, 2011

I Haven't Left the House Without Lycra on These Thighs Since I was 14.

3.4.11
In Georgia (where I'm from), lives my "pretend-mom" (that story is another blog all together) that I love as though she was my actual mom. When I lost that chunk of weight in 2009, I told my pretend-mom that I wanted to lose more weight, tone & sculpt and improve on my "new body". Her reply was "Oh Al (she calls me Al), you already look so good. You don't need to lose any more weight." Well, she's right about one thing; I do look good. I mean, check me out on New Year's Eve 2010.

New Year's Eve 2010
Not bad right? See, I'm not completely down on myself. There are moments when I feel great.

And another friend, upon learning about my acceptance to booty school, said, "But you've already got great legs." She's right too. Check 'em out. 

They're long, my calves are super muscular, I'm not cursed with cankles - I'm rocking that short dress. (Isn't my hubby handsome?)

But here's the part I don't like.
Yeah, those thighs. In  jeans, my hip/thigh region looks like a lumpy square. (Don't forget the belly flap bulge that adds that extra bit of flair.) Then you go up to my much smaller waist and I'm kinda okay again. Just lacking that ever-elusive tone.

Even in my weightloss before-and-after photos, one can see that there is still plenty of luggage in the hip region. And those thighs, while smaller, are still fused together.


Now back to that NYE picture. I'm all glammed up in that beautiful red dress. But check out my arm.

See that tricep? Just dangling there, mocking me and all my hard work. It's because of that tricep and the squishy skin right under it on my ribcage, that I rejected the strapless dress I was contemplating for this event.

And the truth about what's under the skirt of that dress is, I'm wearing not one, but TWO girdles (the young folks call 'em Spanx) and a pair of hold-you-in-real-tight "grannie-panties". That's three layers of Lycra (if you're counting). Sure I had trouble breathing, but I look good!

Make no mistake about it, I am very proud of what I have done on my own. But I have known since I achieved my initial weigtloss goal at the end of 2009, that I wanted to do more. Why shouldn't I have toned triceps? Why can't my ENTIRE leg look muscular and sculpted? I'm tired of being told "that's just your body" or "you look fine". Hell, I use those as my own excuses for not trying to be better. Why am I settling for "better than I used to be"?  My husband tells me all the time, that he loves me just the way I am and I deeply appreciate that sentiment. (C'mon, what's he gonna say? "Honey, I love you like this, but I'd love you more if you're ass were a little less wide.") I appreciate my pretend-mom telling me how good she thinks I look. But the bottom line is, I don't love me the way I am. I am finally starting to believe that I CAN be one of those fit women. A fit mom. I know a lot of them. They weren't born toned, they work for it every day, all year long. That's what being fit means. It's a part of their life.

I've been exercising an average of four days-a-week for the past two years. When my son sees me in my workout clothes, he always says, "Mommy are you exercising?" I love this. He's only three-years-old, so to him, seeing his parents exercise (hubby runs and works out at home) is as common as his nightly bath. This is the example I want to set for him...for life.

It's not about being thin for me. Thin is not my goal. I want TONE. I want to clap my hands without feeling the rippling of my tricep. I want to wear a dress with only one layer of Lycra underneath. (Let's face it, EVERY woman wears girdles...) I want to wear jeans without the words "curvy cut" in the description. It's no longer enough for me to have lost weight and kept it off. Now it's time to push for what I've always wanted to be: fit, sculpted and living healthy. 

Before I got into booty school, I had loosely set in motion a plan to work on "phase 2" of my fitness goals. Recommitting to longer workouts, cutting calories, specifically working on lower-body issues. I declared February 1 my NEW New Year's Day. Then this golden opportunity came along and now, I'm getting this amazing kick-start on the road to a body I've only had in my dreams. I am unbelievably lucky. And there is no other choice for me but to work as hard as I can for the next seven weeks, so that I can apply that to the rest of my life. I'm not under the delusion that I will have a perfect body by April 29, but I'll be so much closer to a body that makes me feel really good about myself.

Tomorrow is my session with Leandro at his studio. It's not private afterall - it'll be me and the other "winners" of the weigh-in. Kinda bummed it's not one-on-one, but hey, you get what you pay for. Get it? I didn't pay for it! At least I'm guaranteed to workout way harder than I would have at home with Leandro's DVDs.

Sorry for the rant. I promise to get back to the business of cheap laughs first, inspiration second.

Night y'all...

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